IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below show the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

The chart below show the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart illustrates the expenditure of two European nations:
France
Use synonyms
 and the United Kingdom, on consumer goods in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the UK
cars
Use synonyms
 and books had the lead in terms of the consuming amount,
while
Linking Words
 in
France
Use synonyms
cars
Use synonyms
 and computers were having the best interests of French people. In the United Kingdom
cars
Use synonyms
 were the top consuming goods in 2010 reaching 450,000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, books
was
Change the verb form
were
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 the second one with 50,000 less reaching 400,000. As for cameras and computers, the total amount was about 350,000 and 350,000 respectively. The least good on the bar graph was perfume equals around 140,000. Coming to
France
Use synonyms
,
cars
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 were at the top of the list with a total of 400,000,
while
Linking Words
 computers and books came after with a total of about 370,000 and 300,000 respectively. With regards to perfume in
France
Use synonyms
, it wasn't on the bottom of the list as it was in the UK reaching 200,000. The top least good in the graph in
France
Use synonyms
 goes to cameras in a total of 150,000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the eighth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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