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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at early age .punishment is necessary o help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what short of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children ?give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own Knowledge and experiences.

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It is a hotly debated topic
if
Correct word choice
whether
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children
Use synonyms
 should be punished at an early age or not. I believe
children
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 should be punished
on
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to
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 some extent by parents and teachers as it will allow them to learn discipline and it will lead
in
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to
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 personal growth.
Firstly
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, kids in their prime age
tends
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tend
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 to learn and grasp things faster than in older age.
Therefore
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, setting up some do's and
dont's
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don'ts
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 and explaining
them
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to them
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 the reasons behind it is very crucial.
For instance
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, if a child is not following some rules he/she can be punished, not in terms of violence, but punishments
such
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 as not letting them eat their favourite food or eradicating them from playing for certain hours could be implied.
Furthermore
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, being a strict parent and a teacher is vital which will help students to be scared when they are aware of doing something wrong.
For example
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, if a kid is warned
my
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by
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 parents to not talk in class when
teacher
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the teacher
a teacher
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 is present, he/she will think twice before initiating a talk in class because if they cross that boundary they will be punished.
Hence
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,
this
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 makes students more obedient and respectful.
However
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,
children
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 are still growing and not mature at
certain
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a certain
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 level,
whcih
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which
 is why they
are allow
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are allowed
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 to make mistakes. Their guardians should not
punished
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punish
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 their kids to the level through which they could get affected mentally or physically. Normal punishments of time out or giving them silent treatment could work wonders as
children
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 are born attention seekers.
To conclude
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, for the better future of the
students
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students,
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 it is essentially important to follow certain steps of punishments in order to make them ready for
foreseeable
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the foreseeable
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 future.

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction to provide a clearer overview of your stance and the main points of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more fluidly, using linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammatical errors and typos, such as 'whcih' and 'dont's', as they detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that illustrate your points well, such as the idea of not allowing a child to eat their favorite food as a form of punishment.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and demonstrates an understanding of the issue at hand, showing your engagement with the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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