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IELTS Writing Tsk 2 In poor families, teenagers may have to work part-time as well as study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this for these teenagers. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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In recent years , there has been a tremendous increase in the number of
individuals
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 questioning the merits and demerits of teenagers from poor
families
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 having to
work
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 part-
time
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as well as
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 obtain an
education
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.On one hand , the benefit of teenagers working is that they can help support their
families
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 by sharing the financial stress of paying for
school
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.
However
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 , a significant drawback is that by spending their
time
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 working
students
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 lose valuable
time
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 from their studies.
To begin
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,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is an
arguement
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argument
 to be made that working young adults help elevate their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 burden by paying for their own
education
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.
For example
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, a study done in 2020 showed that
families
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 who had working children were 25% more stable than others.
For
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this
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 reason , it is evident that
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is a clear advantage for teens from poor
families
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 to
work
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while
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 studying. what is more , working
while
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 seeking an
education
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 can
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 help these
students
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 learn valuable
life-skills
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life skills
show examples
 they would not in
school
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such
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 as
time
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 management , better organizational skills and elevated social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 by working in a team.
This
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 being the case , it can assumed that earning a salary
while
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 obtaining an
education
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 has definite positive effects on the
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individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
 social and mental development.
Nonetheless
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, it must be stated that
their
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there
show examples
 are clear disadvantages for poor
working class
Add a hyphen
working-class
show examples
students
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 compared to
individuals
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 who only have to focus on their
education
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.
For instance
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,
students
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 who
work
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 immediately after
school
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 do not have
time
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focus
Fix the infinitive
to focus
show examples
 on their homework as they get busy with
work
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.
Therefore
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it is clear that
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 these
young-minds
Correct your spelling
young minds
show examples
 would fall behind in performance when compared
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 peers.
Furthermore
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, part-
time
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students
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 would have neither the physical nor the mental energy to
foucs
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focus
 in
school
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the next day as they would exhausted from working with some having late night shifts. With
this
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 being the case , it can be said working
individuals
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 face
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 risk of dropping out as they simply cannot balance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
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 and study life. To
conlude
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conclude
, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that part-
time
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students
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 from poor
families
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 face greater struggles when compared to
students
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 from well-off
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 whose where they are supported without needing to provide financial
assistacne
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assistance
 to their parents.
However
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 , others myself included, hold the view that working
individuals
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 build greater mental strength and obtain invaluable
life-skills
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life skills
show examples
. From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 the cons do not
out weigh
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outweigh
show examples
 the pros, as
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is a clear line between working and non-working teenagers.

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grammar
There are several grammatical errors and typos that need to be addressed, such as 'there' instead of 'their' and 'foucs' instead of 'focus'. Proofreading is important for clarity and professionalism.
structure
The structure of the essay is mostly clear, but it would benefit from clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader. For instance, a more explicit indication of your main argument in the introduction would help.
content
Some points lack sufficient depth and development. Expanding on your examples could strengthen your argument. For instance, more detail on how life skills gained can positively impact future opportunities would enhance your argument.
content
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
content
Your examples demonstrate some relevant knowledge of the topic, showing that you have some understanding of the implications of part-time work for teenagers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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