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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

International travel is becoming cheaper and cheaper, and several countries are opening their doors. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, trips abroad are becoming more accessible every day, what once seemed like a luxury for the majority, is now within the reach of many people.
While
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 the
economy
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 grows, many
countries
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 seek to attract
tourists
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 by offering greater facilities for travel. The effects of
this
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 phenomenon,are largely positive, both for the
traveler
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traveller
show examples
 and for the
economy
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 of the
countries
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, but other perspectives and considerations must always be kept in mind. In
this
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 short
essay
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essay,
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 I will analyze the effects and considerations that
countries
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 must have when they open their doors to
tourists
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. At certain times of the year, the arrival of
travelers
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travellers
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 has a very significant impact on the
economy
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.
Tourists
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 want to live a complete experience where they visit and pay for a large number of services,
such
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 as hotels, food and transportation. Many even, if they discover a country that matches their interests and motivations, may consider staying, generating a greater exchange of culture and diversity. The fact that trips are cheaper implies a greater migratory flow, where not all of these people travel for good purposes. A study by the University of Chile pointed out that
countries
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 offering more visas for
tourists
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 are chosen by migrants who stay illegally.
For example
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, the working holiday visa, which offers a one-year stay in
countries
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such
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 as
france
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France
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,
ireland
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Ireland
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,
canada
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Canada
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, etc. In conclusion, opening the doors to
tourists
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 has multiple benefits, and allows more and more people to get to know totally different cultures, share with the residents, and move the country's
economy
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.
Also
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, it is important that each country takes charge of having immigration policies, that prevent the entry of criminals and illegal immigrants.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the advantages and disadvantages of international travel and provides a relevant analysis. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating your argument directly.
task achievement
While you have included supporting points and examples, elaborating further on these points or providing additional examples would strengthen your argument and demonstrate comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of ideas by using more linking phrases to connect your thoughts and ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for punctuation and spacing errors, such as the comma before 'are' in the first paragraph, to enhance clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Good introduction that sets the context and mentions both perspectives of the topic.
task achievement
Strong conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the importance of immigration policies.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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