IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that the most important requirement of a modern city is an effective public transport systems. While other people believe that there are other important requirements for a city. Discuss both views, give your opinion.

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People
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 have different views as to whether An effective
transport
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system
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 is the most important
demand
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 for a modern
city
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.
While
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 it offers benefits associated with reducing
traffic
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 jams, I believe that there are more essential requirements for a
city
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. Opponents of an effective
transport
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system
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 cite various reasons to support their stance. As the
demand
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Change preposition
for transports
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transports
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transport
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 is still increasing,
people
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 feel compelled to purchase more
transports
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transport
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, ranging from cars to buses. As a by-product of
this
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 circumstance, individuals struggle with
traffic
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jam
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jams
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, struggling with time management. In a world where
people
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 struggle with
traffic
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 jams, an effective
transport
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system
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 makes a big difference for individuals. In
a
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apply
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light of
this
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 highlighted challenge
people
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 feel forced to consider an effective
transport
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system
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is
Correct your spelling
as
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 the most important for the
city
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. In my opinion, there are requirements for
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city
Correct article usage
the city
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, which
has
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have
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 a more crucial role than an effective
transport
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system
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. A good case in
a
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apply
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point is pollution. Gone are the days when there were
not
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no
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 companies, which had a more detrimental impact on both the environment and
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 health. In recent times, there
are
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have been
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 companies, which has a positive effect on the environment and
overall
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people
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people's
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 well-being. In response to
this
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 highlighted challenge, individuals feel compelled to consider there are more essential
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demand
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demands
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 for
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city
Correct article usage
the city
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. In conclusion,
although
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emerging
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the emerging
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 effective
transport
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system
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 has advantages concerning reducing
traffic
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jam
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jams
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, I contend that there are more important
demand
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 for a modern
city
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.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction should be clearer in stating both views and your opinion. Clearly outline the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and topic sentence that relates to the main argument.
language accuracy
Avoid sentence structures that can confuse the reader. Revise phrases for clarity and correctness. For example, 'As the demand transports is still increasing' could be rephrased as 'As the demand for transport continues to increase.'
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific cities with effective transport systems or those that have improved due to pollution control measures.
task achievement
You have made a clear effort to present both perspectives on the topic, which is a crucial aspect of the task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, showing an understanding of IELTS essay formatting.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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