IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Having babies later can have more negatives than positive effects on young adult? What is pros and cons about having babies later and how do you think?

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In
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
show examples
 ,most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people prefer having
babies
Use synonyms
 later than their work . Since 2010, the fertility rate
of
Change preposition
in
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 Hong Kong has decreased quickly .Obviously, having
babies
Use synonyms
 later can have more positive effects on young
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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. One of the pros of having
babies
Use synonyms
 later is
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 young
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 can put more attention on themselves .Since they need to work on
whole
Add an article
the whole
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 day and sometimes they still need to follow up
their
Change preposition
on their
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 work at home ,so they don't have much energy and time to take care of a baby .
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
On
show examples
Satuarday
Correct your spelling
Saturday
 and Sunday ,they can do whatever they want to do ,
such
Linking Words
 as take a nap ,
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 or date
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
friends which can release their pressure and more focus on their
emotionals
Correct your spelling
emotional
emotions
.
An other
Correct your spelling
Another
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 positive thing is
decrease
Change the verb form
to decrease
decreasing
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 the young adults's money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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.When having
babies
Use synonyms
 , you need to buy
his
Change the word
a
show examples
 bed, clothes, toys and other daily things .
Therefore
Linking Words
, these things cost a big amount to the young
adult
Use synonyms
 . The con of having
babies
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 later is the young
adult
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 can not experience the happiness of
take
Change the verb form
taking
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 care
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
babies
Use synonyms
 earlier.
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
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 care of
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
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 can have many interesting things ,like play the toy with them ,
feed
Wrong verb form
feeding
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 them or
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 a shower
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Also
Linking Words
, having
babies
Use synonyms
 later is not easier to help
mum's
Change noun form
mums
show examples
 to recover themselves. The suitable age
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 having
babies
Use synonyms
 is 25 years old , but most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mothers prefer 30-40 years old to have
babies
Use synonyms
 ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
allows
Verb problem
makes
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these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 age of mothers
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
difficult to recover.

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction. While you indicate that having babies later has positive effects, it might be beneficial to mention the negative aspects in your thesis statement as well, to showcase a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more connective words or phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your readers follow your arguments more easily.
Task Response
Try to provide more specific examples to support each of your points. For instance, when discussing financial implications, you could mention the average costs associated with raising a child to illustrate your point better.
Content
The essay addresses both pros and cons of having babies later, showing an understanding of the topic.
Content
Some points made, such as the personal time and financial implications of having a baby, are relevant and reflect real concerns of young adults today.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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