IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Due to
Linking Words
 the
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 development of our world,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays often stay
touch
Change preposition
in touch
show examples
 with each other or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
catch up with the latest news by using social
media
Use synonyms
. In my view, the advantages of using social
media
Use synonyms
 to stay tuned outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
 to get the newest resources and to keep in touch with each other using the social
media
Use synonyms
 has its downsides. Searching on the internet for
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 or new events may
got
Verb problem
be
show examples
Correct article usage
a scams
show examples
scams
Fix the agreement mistake
scam
show examples
 by getting wrong or fake
information
Use synonyms
, influencing readers
in getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 their resources. The drawbacks of keeping in touch by using social
media
Use synonyms
 like
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
,
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 or
snapchat
Change the capitalization
Snapchat
show examples
 are mainly the leak of personal
information
Use synonyms
 and online
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
. Hackers from all over the world always steal
users
Change noun form
users'
user's
show examples
 personal
information
Use synonyms
 to do illegal activities by hacking into one's online
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 and to steal their personal
information
Use synonyms
.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of the leak of personal data, online
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a problem, especially
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
, the
frausters
Correct your spelling
fraudsters
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to fake their identity and call different
people
Use synonyms
 pretending that they're the sons or daughters, relatives, or friends of the person on the phone,
then
Linking Words
 to defraud someone's money. Most of the victims are
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there are
also
Linking Words
 adults and teenagers who encountered
this
Linking Words
 kind of fraud.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that there are more pros in surfing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
 to get
information
Use synonyms
 and to stay connected with
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 around us.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
use
Use synonyms
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 can be a convenient way for families whose members or relatives left their homes, cities or countries, or
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
 couples. As it's difficult for them to meet each other face to face, they can contact each other online anywhere and anytime by using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
, they are able to share their living in a different place, their recent situation or to express their love to each other, which benefits them to stay tuned with each other and to prevent their relationship from becoming distant.
Besides
Linking Words
, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
 to look for
latest
Add an article
the latest
show examples
 news or
newest
Correct article usage
the newest
show examples
 events has its good.
Its
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is far more convenient to get the resources by looking up the internet than using the original method by reading the newspapers, books,
textbook
Fix the agreement mistake
textbooks
show examples
, learning from teachers or asking classmates. We can easily get our
information
Use synonyms
 by clicking
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online news
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
, watching
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 tutorials,
reading
Correct word choice
and reading
show examples
 blogs or online books.
This
Linking Words
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
people
Use synonyms
 from taking heavy books or going to the libraries.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
use
Use synonyms
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 has its pros and cons. In my opinion, the good
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more than the bad when
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
 properly and carefully,
by preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scams, loss of
persnal
Correct your spelling
personal
 data, and online
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction effectively states your position, but it could be clearer and more concise. Consider revising it for clarity and to directly state the structure of your essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but some points need further development or specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Adding more detailed examples would enhance your essay.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall clarity of your writing. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that indicates what you will discuss. This will help with the overall logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
You present both advantages and disadvantages clearly, showing a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay illustrates relevant points about social media that many readers can relate to, making it engaging.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: