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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The debate has emerged over how competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 influence the education of youth. Some people believe that it has positive consequences,
while
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 others claim that
sports
Use synonyms
 and education are not connected things.
This
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 essay will analyze both points of view and give my own personal perspective.
To begin
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 with, it's obvious that there are numerous competitive disciplines, which can develop not only physical skills but
also
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 mental capabilities.
For example
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, team
sports
Use synonyms
such
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 as football, basketball and volleyball, all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
positively influence
youngster's
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters'
show examples
 brains and improve communication skills, memory, spatial thinking, analysis abilities and other functions, which can help teenagers in the educational process. Recent studies show that teenagers, who do competitive team
sports
Use synonyms
 3 times a week demonstrate better results in school grades and exams.
Consequently
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, if more and more youth do team
sports
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, it will lead to an increase in the average GPA of students in educational centres.
On the other hand
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,
sports
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 disciplines can
also
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 negatively affect the education of students. there are
also
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 plenty of competitive activities, which has a high risk of injury or serious damage.
For instance
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, combat
sports
Use synonyms
such
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 as boxing, kickboxing, karate and muay Thai, provide full contact including strikes to the head, which in fact lead to brain damage. It's obvious that brain damage has a terrible impact on youngsters' brains like decreased memory and worse cognitive skills than before the injury.
Moreover
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, some
sports
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 organizations provide workouts 5 times a week or even more. Actually,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 high-intensive training
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a negative influence on the youth, because it overloads their central nervous system and
consequently
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 students don't have enough energy to study. In conclusion, competitive activities have both positive and negative sides, and I strongly believe that it's crucial to support the balance between them. The right attitude to competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 leads to better physical and mental conditions, which in sum definitely make great progress in the educational process.

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task achievement
Ensure that argument points are clearly balanced, and that both views are examined equally in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a greater variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Utilize a more varied sentence structure to enhance engagement and clarity in your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear overview of both sides of the debate, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples to support main points is commendable and adds credibility to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Overall organization of the essay is strong, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote a healthier lifestyle
  • valuable life skills
  • mental focus
  • teamwork and communication
  • time management
  • stress relief
  • neglecting academics
  • intense pressure
  • physical injuries
  • mental stress
  • time commitment
  • fear of failure
  • emotional well-being
  • academic performance
  • balancing sports and academics
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