IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you share their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been claimed by a few individuals that the 21st century is one of the most influential and is generally counted as the era of opportunities.
This
Linking Words
 period,
according to
Linking Words
 predictions, may cause plenty of positive changes
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world,
however
Linking Words
, I partially share
this
Linking Words
 optimism.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in comparison to the 20th century, the newest one undoubtedly has better conditions and opportunities,
due to
Linking Words
 technology and manufacturing development.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, every coin has two sides, and all the economic benefits that humanity faces from manufacturing can not outweigh the devastating impact that it causes
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the world in general. Today, it is already more than 60 per cent
exhaustible
Change preposition
of exhaustible
show examples
 fuel used, and only 20 per cent
countries
Change preposition
of countries
show examples
 can use inexhaustible ones, which briefly represents how the tendency of people
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
today, may change its direction in the near future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, positive thinking can lead to better motivation and brand-new ideas to improve life conditions,
thus
Linking Words
 helping to move ahead. Those who stress a lot and think negatively, stand in one place, being scared to make it worse. From my perspective, humanity should count all the advantages and drawbacks and think positively and objectively to create certain beneficial changes, and primarily pay attention to the gravest issues,
such
Linking Words
 as deforestation and global warming, finding new eco-friendly ways to produce energy, and developing the hydrogen fuel as an example. In summary, positive thinking is not the primary reason to face advantageous changes,
however
Linking Words
, it can assist people as a driving force to open new opportunities and alternative ways.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction could be more engaging and should clearly outline your main points. Try to specify the changes you believe should happen in the 21st century directly in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has clear topic sentences and that they relate directly to your main argument. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
While your points are relevant, adding more specific examples or statistics to support your claims would strengthen your arguments and enhance clarity.
content
You presented a balanced view, acknowledging both optimism and the challenges of the 21st century.
language
Your use of phrases like 'every coin has two sides' effectively conveys complexity in your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: