IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
artists
Use synonyms
 are becoming more popular for their work because of social media platforms and the support of the government. It is often argued that the ministry is wasting a huge amount of capital on
artists
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,
however
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, they should use the fund
on resolving
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to resolve
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 other major problems in the
country
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. I agree with the second view to a greater extent but
I m
Correct your spelling
I'm
 not denying the benefits of spending currency on the
artists
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. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss the topic in detail. On the one side, Art is a strength for any nation to showcase their culture and heritage internationally. To explain, In the modern world, There are a lot of
artists
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 that are famous globally and
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 a large impact on the audience. They all are showing their culture on a bigger stage which helps any
country
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 to be famous and it helps to make good political bonds between different nations.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending money on the arts leads to an increase in
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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 levels of a nation.
For example
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, When
artists
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 are performing on grand levels it helps to create an effect on the individuals and they become curious to know more about the culture which will lead to more tourists coming to the
country
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. In the end, it results in the growing economy of a state or nation.
On the contrary
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 side, There are other major issues in society that need assistance from the ministry like poverty line, medical issues educational problems etc. To exemplify, There are plenty of people under the poverty line who do not have enough resources for medical treatments and they are dealing with major health problems. The government should provide better and cheaper treatments to them
instead
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 of wasting all the capital on roles.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
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health organization
Correct your spelling
Health Organization
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in 2022 shows that most people( 8 out of 10) are not able to survive health diseases because they do not have enough resources for treatment. Moving forward, the nations that are facing unemployment should consider financing self-employed businesses to make a difference in society rather than pouring bunches of
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
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 into
artists
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.
To conclude
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, there is no doubt that
artists
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 are able to promote the civilization and heritage of a
country
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 on a bigger level,
however
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, focusing on other pivotal issues in the
country
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 is
also
Linking Words
 equally important for the authorities.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position with more clarity and confidence.
coherence
Improve the clarity of your arguments by using clearer transitions and linking phrases between ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your points about the economic benefits of arts funding and the effects of poverty relief.
task achievement
You have recognized both sides of the argument effectively in your essay, which adds depth to your response.
coherence
Your conclusion provides a balanced view, summarizing the main points well and reiterating your position.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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