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Band 3.5

People should promote local food sources only. Discuss advantages and disadvantages

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Introduction
It is argued that individuals should promote
food
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 produced locally.
While
Linking Words
 it
trend
Use synonyms
 would prove a boon for
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 individuals
wouldenjoy
Correct your spelling
would enjoy
 fresher and tasty
food
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 creates challenges
such
Linking Words
 as limited availability and
food
Use synonyms
 cost. I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 would make a balance between local and international
food
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Commencing with
salient
Add an article
the salient
a salient
show examples
 reason why promoting local
food
Use synonyms
 would be
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 approach as it's good for local farmers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and businessmen. Local
food
Use synonyms
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 all nutrients that are essential for human
Body paragraph 2
beings because local farmers neither use any chemicals nor any pesticides, Resultantly;
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 will boost
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 economy as it creates
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of jobs
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 would enjoy fresh and tasty
food
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
Despite having merits,
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 creates demerits. As
people
Use synonyms
 have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 choices. If
people
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
promote only local
food
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, they have only seasonal
food
Use synonyms
 left.
For example
Linking Words
, Mango fruit only comes in
spring
Add an article
the spring
show examples
 season,
how
Correct word choice
so how
show examples
 they can get it in
Body paragraph 4
winter season?
People
Use synonyms
 have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 choices because of local
food
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, local
food
Use synonyms
 is very expensive as
people
Use synonyms
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 choices, local farmers might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
get more money
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it creates a burden
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those families who lives under
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 would have merit and demerit. I believe that we can get more fruitful outcomes if we
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make a balance between imported and exported
food
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your points to provide more depth and examples, ensuring you fully address the advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance understanding and flow.
Coherence
Consider varying your sentence structure to improve readability and engagement.
Task Achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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