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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Overviewing the statement, many people wonder whether teenage years or
adulthood
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 is the happiest
time
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 in
life
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 . Some think
teenagers
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 are the happiest because they have fewer worries,
while
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 other
believes
Change the verb form
believe
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 that adults are happier because they have more control over their lives .
This
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 essay will discuss both opinions and explain why
i
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I
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 think
adulthood
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 can bring greater
happiness
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.
Firstly
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, on
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 some people think the teenage years are the happiest
time
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.
Teenagers
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 often have fewer responsibilities compared to
matured
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mature
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, which gives them more freedom to enjoy
life
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 .
For example
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,
teenagers
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 can focus on spending
time
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 with friends, hobbies or trying new activities without worrying about paying bills or working
full-
Correct your spelling
full-time
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time
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.
Also
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 during
this
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 stage of
life
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, people are full of energy and excitement, making their experiences more enjoyable.
On the other hand
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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thought
Wrong verb form
think
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 that
adulthood
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 is
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 satisfying period even though it comes with more responsibilities. Adults have the ability to make important choices
such
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 as choosing their career, building a family or following their dreams . These decisions can lead to a more meaningful
life
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.
For instance
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, having children or achieving success at a job often brings a sense of pride and
happiness
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.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 adults often become more mature and confident, which helps them appreciate their
life
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 better. In my opinion,
while
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teenagers
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 have fun and carefree ,
adulthood
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 brings more
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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happiness
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.
Although
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 there are responsibilities, achievements and strong relationships built during
this
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time
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 make
life
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 more fulfilling. In conclusion, both teenage years and
adulthood
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offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 different kinds of
happiness
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.
However
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, I believe that personal growth and accomplishment in
adulthood
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 make it the happiest stage of
life
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.

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language
Make sure to maintain grammatical consistency, such as using 'I' instead of 'i' and ensuring correct subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'other believes' should be 'others believe').
content
Consider adding more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your points and provide a clearer picture of your views on happiness during different life stages.
coherence
Try to improve the transitions between points to enhance the flow of ideas, which will contribute to overall coherence.
content
The essay makes a clear comparison between the happiness experienced in teenage years and adulthood, addressing the prompt effectively.
structure
The introduction is well-structured, presenting the main argument and indicating a balanced discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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