IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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With the advancement of the Internet, many newer platforms are being launched every year. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that an excessive number of choices has evolved to cause implications . I agree that societal and financial implications are the major ones to discuss thoroughly. First and foremost, having access to social media and numerous dating apps, societal norms of relationships tend to change constantly. What
this
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 means is, that these platforms have let
people
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 have more chances of meeting and finding new partners ,
hence
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, subconscious beliefs of loyalty to partners have been manipulated to a large extent .
Therefore
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, nowadays new emotional bonds tend to have weaker foundations in comparison to the past when there was a very limited choice of meeting new
people
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 and
people
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 were more protective of their relationships.
For instance
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,
number
Change the article
the number
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 of divorces after the social media era has increased to a great extent because
people
Use synonyms
 believe they must not tolerate something when they may have other options. From another perspective, accessibility to a variety of products has caused financial problems in the long term. Online shopping platforms overload a variety of products to consumers to tempt them to buy other choices as well.
This
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 trend was already anticipated to lead to consumerism and an estimated 80% of Americans do impulse shopping because of
this
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 tricky marketing strategy that imposes customers too many interesting choices every time they scroll through the websites.
Consequently
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, an increased debt rate and financial instability are visible in almost all families. In conclusion, I agree that too many
number of option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
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 are accessible today and various problems arise
accordingly
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. Unfortunately ,relationship bonds are weakened because of easier access to potential future partners on dating apps. Shopping websites have
also
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 widened the variety of products which has led to consumerism and financial issues.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that precisely outlines your position and the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
While your paragraphs are relevant, ensure that each point flows logically to the next. Adding transitional phrases can help enhance coherence.
task achievement
Try to incorporate a wider range of examples or evidence to back up your statements, especially in your discussion of societal changes due to social media.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion of societal and financial implications, clearly indicating your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that help illustrate your points, such as the increase in divorce rates due to social media.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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