IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, junk cooking consumption increased compared to energy snacks,
along with
Linking Words
 well-being issues. I disagreed that the government needs to increase taxes. They can do that only, but fitness awareness is
also
Linking Words
 important.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the public service raises charges which makes people reduce buying snacks like chips, burgers or cold drinks but the question is only increasing will stop them? These days prices for milk and other basic bread items are already at the top height, including organic products. And if they will tax boost
then
Linking Words
 how will takeaway brand’s owners will earn? Just assume all pizza franchises shut down because of tax hikes and fewer sales, will
this
Linking Words
 stop the public from swallowing that fatty slice, never because they will cook the same at home which will still be unhealthy feed. It is better to wake them for healthy chew like 'subways' and 'chopped leaf' which they can consume in their busy routines and will not impact their fitness more as it contains veggies, some cheese, rice or bread and at the same time tasty dressings. Or the company can provide full healthy meals in the canteen. Or give more offers on healthy bread, which improves sales for stores and public bodies with exercise and yoga camps. Having a packed meal is okay if you balance it with regular yoga and gym fitness. Even doing some physical activities at work will
also
Linking Words
 be a good idea like
instead
Linking Words
 of an elevator from parking to the main floor or first two floors just put steps. In conclusion
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, taxation growth is important with medical awareness so society can stay energetic and grow the world. Junk bits are good some days, but health is wealth.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction and ensure it is aligned throughout the essay. It's important to articulate clearly whether you agree or disagree with the statement in a definitive manner. This will help strengthen your overall response.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea you are addressing. This will improve the logical flow of your ideas and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
When giving examples, try to provide specific instances or statistics that relate to your claims to support them more effectively. This will make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability. Some sentences are convoluted and could be simplified to communicate your ideas more clearly. This will also help avoid any confusion that might arise from overly complex phrasing.
task achievement
You express valid concerns about the implications of increasing taxes on fast food and the potential impact on the economy and social behavior. This indicates critical thinking and an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your suggestions for promoting healthier food options and physical activity in everyday life are thoughtful and relevant. This adds depth to your argument and demonstrates an understanding of public health initiatives.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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