IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that it is necessary to give importance to your career, while others say that it is better to spend time with your family and friends. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is important to give importance to
Use synonyms
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends. Just spending
time
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 might improve
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 work quality or make you better at work but you will start stressing after some
time
Use synonyms
. Over
time
Use synonyms
 job will be a burden on you,
you
Correct word choice
and you
show examples
 will run away from it. Focusing just on the
career
Use synonyms
 will make you more money and wealth but
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
pass
Change the verb form
passes
show examples
 you will start feeling stress and depression. Giving your 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to the job will make you perfect for sure, but you will lose your focus as you keep doing it without any fun or rest. Over
time
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 it will be a burden for you and you will start running away from you.
This
Linking Words
 can affect
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 mental
health
Use synonyms
, physical
health
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 and emotional
health
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. If you feel
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 and
depresed
Correct your spelling
depressed
 you might start taking
depressant
Fix the agreement mistake
depressants
show examples
 and stimulants (
Drug
Fix the agreement mistake
Drugs
show examples
), you would think that it will keep
my
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 body calm but it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 your physical
health
Use synonyms
 and mental
health
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. Your family might not like that you are taking drugs so they can leave which
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 emotional
health
Use synonyms
. Spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends will make you happy,
joyfull
Correct your spelling
joyful
 and calm but it is not
everyting
Correct your spelling
everything
 you
also
Linking Words
 need to focus on earning money so you can enjoy your life happily with family. If you
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
run out of money you
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be in
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
show examples
 again
this
Linking Words
 can
also
Linking Words
 give you stress.
Overall
Linking Words
, Working hard and focusing on
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 to have some fun and joy is the best way to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to develop a clearer structure to your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider using separate paragraphs to discuss each view and your opinion, making sure to include transitional phrases between them.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate your points. This could involve personal anecdotes or hypothetical situations that demonstrate the effects of work-life balance on mental and physical health.
coherence and cohesion
Check for repetitive phrases. For instance, the phrase 'start running away from you' appears multiple times. Variety in vocabulary will make your writing more engaging and fluid.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structures. For example, phrases such as 'making you better at work' could be phrased in a more complex manner, enhancing the sophistication of your writing.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear understanding of the importance of both career and family, which shows a balanced perspective on the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the potential negative impacts of focusing solely on a career, which is an important point and adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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