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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There is no denying that with
rapid
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the rapid
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 development of the economy, more and more people have a wider fortune to feed
children
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.
Whereas
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 some people look
upon
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for
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 more funds that can enhance
children
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’s
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 skills, others do not. As for my perspective, I am in
favor
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favour
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 of the latter, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows.
Children
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 who grow up in poor practical conditions are forced to face society earlier;
hence
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, they have more experiences of adult life compared to
children
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 who are well brought up.
That is
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, they need to earn money in their student period or enter the work stage faster than
children
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 who are not worried about their financial situation, leading to a mature personality.
According to
Linking Words
 an essay from National Taiwan University, in the amount of students who have a
part time
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part-time
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 job, 70% of students work to afford their tuition or support their family's
finance
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finances
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. Owing to the fact that
parents
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 should pay more attention to becoming wealthy, they do not have extra regard for their
children
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;
consequently
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,
children
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 are used to figuring out everything by themselves.
In other words
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,
children
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 should solve every problem without assistance
due to
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 their
parents
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 struggling with a rare fortune. Take
myself
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me
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 as an example, My
parents
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 are always busy with their jobs, even holidays. They aimed to give me a rich environment to grow up in, so they barely accompanied me since I have memories. I have tended to deal with everything by myself since I was a 12-year-old,
such
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 as organizing schedules, moving places, etc., it has made me more independent than my cousin who lives with a lot of fortune. In conclusion,
children
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 who grow up with limited money can deal with the problems of adult life better than
children
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 who have wealthy
parents
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 because they are forced to work earlier and figure out everything when they are still a child.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Some ideas are mentioned but not fully developed, such as the example from National Taiwan University. Elaborate more on how this relates to your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and ideas. For instance, transitions between points can be smoother to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging opposing arguments, which can strengthen your position when you refute them. This can help improve your score for task response.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
Personal example added depth to support your argument and makes your perspective relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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