IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and 2003. Provide an overview of the information by identifying and describing the key details, and include comparisons where appropriate.

The graphs below show the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and 2003. Provide an overview of the information by identifying and describing the key details, and include comparisons where appropriate.
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The pie charts depict the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 from the UK to Spain across five different
age
Use synonyms
 groups between 1983 and 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent from the information supplied that
people
Use synonyms
 aged 34-54 occupied the largest share of the percentage of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
years
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, individuals who were 16-24
years
Use synonyms
 old accounted for the smallest proportion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 1983,
then
Linking Words
 the 0-15
age
Use synonyms
bracket
Use synonyms
 and 25-34
age
Use synonyms
bracket
Use synonyms
 took up a tiny minority of that. In detail,
people
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in the 34-54
age
Use synonyms
bracket
Use synonyms
 remained consistently the highest percentage of travelers in both
years
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 there was a significant decrease from 50% in 1983 to 35% in 2003.
People
Use synonyms
 aged 25-34 made up one-fifth of total
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 1983 but the figure
then
Linking Words
 declined to 12% in 2003. Moving on to the remaining categories, over 55
age
Use synonyms
bracket
Use synonyms
 witnessed a significant rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the proportion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 by 10% to 26% over two decades. The percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who were 0-15
years
Use synonyms
 old experienced a moderate increase from 10% in 1983 to 12% in 2003.
Lastly
Linking Words
, 4% of travelers in 1983 was the 16-24
age
Use synonyms
bracket
Use synonyms
 but the figure
then
Linking Words
 increased nearly
four folds
Correct your spelling
fourfold
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 to 15% in 2003.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, age, people, years, bracket with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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