IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many nations applied new
laws
Use synonyms
 about decreasing
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 of the workers. Some argue that lowering the
times
Use synonyms
 may
affects
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 the quality of the outcome.
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others believe it is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to reduce the stress of the employees. In my opinion, less working time means less productivity. The most obvious benefit of these
laws
Use synonyms
 is
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bigger
Use synonyms
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 for those individuals, so that,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 apply for a second job. At the same time, if the resting
hours
Use synonyms
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
, there will be high motivation for workers to do
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 best at their jobs.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, most of the people who are working,
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not completed their studies yet, with the
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working
times
Use synonyms
, they may
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to continue their educational level. A third point in favour, when considering nowadays with the past, we can find that human's psychology get better because of lowering working
hours
Use synonyms
 mean less stress and more
foucus
Correct your spelling
focus
.
However
Linking Words
, many people think that these
laws
Use synonyms
 could have many drawbacks, one of them being reducing the
precison
Correct your spelling
precision
 and accuracy to a minimum level as compared to extended working
hours
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are many jobs that need too much duration throughout the day
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospitals, if the working time is limited, there will be huge problems with the patients who
are needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
fastest
Change the article
the fastest
show examples
 care than others. reducing
hours
Use synonyms
 could be
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to employees;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, a low level of work could hinder the development of the
overall
Linking Words
 country.
To sum up
Linking Words
, introducing
such
Linking Words
apply
Correct word choice
applied
show examples
laws
Use synonyms
 may cause disturbance in the development of many parts of the country.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are upsides to
this
Linking Words
 trend,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that they are outweighed by the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly answers the prompt. This will help guide your essay better.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that sentences within each paragraph logically follow one another. Transition phrases could help with this.
task achievement
Avoid using informal language or expressions, and strive for more formal language and varied vocabulary, particularly in a formal essay setting.
task achievement
You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument concerning working hour laws, which is a good practice in argumentative writing.
task achievement
Your points highlight some relevant considerations about working conditions and psychology, showing some understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: