IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students should spend a period of time studying and living in a different country to learn language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that learning about new cultures is something enjoyable.
While
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 it is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
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 held belief that
students
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 ought to spend a period of time learning new cultures and languages by living in a foreign country. There is
also
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 an argument that
oposse
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oppose
opposes
 it. In my opinion, I consider that
students
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 should learn more about other
countries
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countries'
country's
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 traditions.
To begin
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with
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with,
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students
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 desiring and curiosity to discover new societies need motivation.
In other words
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, moving to
foreign
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a foreign
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 country for a
while
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 is the biggest motivation for them.
In addition
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, being in different environments will
leads
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lead
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 them to learn more about its culture and traditions.
For example
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, they need to deal with native people as
result
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a result
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 they will learn new sentences. Another point to consider is youth at some phases search for independence and try to find their interests. It is
also
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 possible to say that living or studying in
an
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apply
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another country on their own will help them to be more independent and confident.
Moreover
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,
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students
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students'
student's
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 development depends on how much knowledge they have.
For instance
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, they can improve their skills since they
meeting
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meet
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 new people from all around the world they will probably share some information and experience.
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However
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However,
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 they can learn about various traditional stuff
such
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 as their festivals and special occasions. In conclusion, despite people having different
view
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views
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 I tend to believe that cultures and traditions are vast and learning about
it
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them
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 is truly crucial. We all need to
educate
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be educated
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 in a special environment where we can focus on
our selves
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ourselves
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. I think
this
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 will
leads
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lead
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 to
better
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a better
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 society.

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task response
Ensure clarity in your introductions by clearly stating your position on the topic. Your opening sentence could connect better with your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Try to use transitional phrases more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Make sure to support your points with specific examples or explanations that directly link back to the thesis statement for stronger arguments.
task response
You addressed the topic by discussing both the benefits of living abroad and the potential for personal growth.
task response
Your use of personal insights, such as the motivation for students to explore new cultures, adds a personal touch to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersion
  • cultural exchange
  • global diversity
  • critical thinking
  • intercultural communication
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • professional networks
  • language proficiency
  • educational systems
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