IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries not enough students are choosing to study science at university. What are the causes of this? What effects does it have on society?

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In modern society, an insufficient
number
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 of
students
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 choosing to
study
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in
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apply
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science
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 major has had a demonstrable effect on technological advancements and development. As career opportunities for
science
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graduates
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 are limited, and scientific programs require a long duration of
study
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, fewer college
students
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 pursue
this
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 field, leading to several effects on society, which
this
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 essay will explore. A lack of
students
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 studying in
science
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major
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majors
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 has been caused by several reasons. Foremost among these is the limited employment prospects after they graduate. Recent
graduates
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 from chemistry and biology
major
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majors
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 can only take a role in either research and development (R&D) or sales in food production or medical-equipment manufacturing companies. The job description of these positions, especially R&D, requires employees to work from a remote area,
such
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 as
a
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the
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 countryside or suburb where a factory is located.
Therefore
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, those who work in
this
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 role might live in
separated
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separate
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 houses with their families and meet them only two days per week on weekends, which might be the unmotivated
reasons
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reason
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 for
students
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 to
study
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 in
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science
Add an article
a science
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 major.
In addition
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,
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science
Correct article usage
a science
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program
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 requires a long duration of
study
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 and a significant amount of tuition fees to complete a
program
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. To become an outstanding candidate in
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science
Add an article
the science
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 industry,
graduates
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 prefer to pursue higher education after graduating from an undergraduate
program
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, since they think it can lead to better career opportunities and higher earnings.
However
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,
this
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 higher education, particularly
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the pHD
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pHD
Correct your spelling
PhD
program
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, takes approximately five to seven years to complete
it
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apply
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, which discourages
passion
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the passion
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 of a vast
number
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 of
students
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 to
study
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 in
this
Linking Words
science
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 field. The possible effect of
this
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 problem includes slower technological progress. First of all, addressing pollution
issue
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issues
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 requires a considerable
number
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 of experts to conduct
a
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apply
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research,
then
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 test and improve their results
overtime
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over time
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 until they
finally
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got
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get
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 the best method for alleviating
this
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 issue.
However
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, insufficient specialists graduating from a scientific field can lead to a slow progress of
this
Linking Words
 discovery;
thus
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, a significant
number
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or
Correct your spelling
of
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 citizens would suffer or get sick from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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respiratory diseases for a longer time than anticipated. In conclusion, the myriad of reasons why
students
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 are not choosing to
study
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science
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 are apparent,
this
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 problem has effects on society, should government want to solve them. In my opinion, if governments do not transform scientific
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program
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programs
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 by including
non-scientic
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non-scientific
 subjects
for expanding
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to expand
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career
Correct article usage
the career
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 opportunities
of
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for
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 new
graduates
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, the
repurcussion
Correct your spelling
repercussion
repercussions
 on
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
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 and economic growth of a country will be disastrous.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and elaborates on it adequately to improve the logical flow.
task achievement
While you address the task fully, be cautious about the clarity of your ideas. Some points could be expanded or clarified further to enhance understanding. Consider using more specific examples to support your arguments.
general hints
Ensure that you properly refer to study programs (e.g., 'PhD' instead of 'pHD') and generalize terms when necessary. Small inaccuracies can distract the reader from your main points, so paying attention to detail can strengthen your writing.
content
You provide a good overview of the causes and effects of students not choosing science, demonstrating a clear engagement with the topic and relevant insights.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reluctance
  • perceived difficulty
  • rigorous assessment
  • real-world application
  • job prospects
  • shortage
  • scientific research
  • technological advancements
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • workforce imbalance
  • environmental challenges
  • public health crises
  • infrastructure development
  • scholarships
  • grants
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