Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view
Many people believe that the government is spending money on the arts which could have been utilized in different sectors. I totally
,
disagree with the given statement.
Since, Remove the comma
apply
art
is a culture, tradition Use synonyms
which
reflects the customs and values of particular countries. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Art
could Use synonyms
consits
of different aspects Correct your spelling
consists
consist
such
as dance, paintings, drama, music, etc. Linking Words
Art
Use synonyms
also
contributes Linking Words
in
running the nation's economy by inviting foreign tourists from different countries which would eventually create a lot of opportunities Change preposition
to
such
as Linking Words
job
, Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
restaurant
, hotels, Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
tours guide
etc. For Fix the agreement mistake
tour guides
an
instance, the painting of Monalisa is visited by Correct article usage
apply
lot
of tourists every year from all around the world.
Change the article
a lot
On the other hand
, Linking Words
art
helps to enhance the creativity and critical thinking of a human being. It develops human emotional intelligence. A good human emotional intelligence will lead the citizen to behave well and to understand the moral and cultural values which can be preserved for Use synonyms
the
future generations. Correct article usage
apply
Likewise
, the Linking Words
art
unites people all around the world and creates a sense of harmony which leads the world to be a better place.
In conclusion, I believe that Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
art
has been conserving Use synonyms
the
history, culture and tradition Correct article usage
apply
as well as
developing the feeling of united among people which is a great contribution from Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
art
so, the government should Use synonyms
prioritze
and spend more resources Correct your spelling
prioritize
to
Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
art
and the artists who devote their lives in Use synonyms
this
field.Linking Words
thakuri_oneil
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Grammar
Make sure to avoid multiple commas after introductory phrases, such as 'Since' in the first sentence.
Coherence
It’s important to have clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader about what each paragraph will discuss.
Task Response
Try to include a variety of specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively. The example of the Mona Lisa is good, but consider enriching it with additional details or examples.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is essential for clarity and task achievement.
Task Achievement
You successfully discussed both the cultural and economic contributions of art, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite