The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer and the poor are even getting poorer. Some people think that governments are responsible for this issue, and others think it is the responsibility of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In a worldwide, socioeconomic status is varied
to
Change preposition
for
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each individual. It is mainly categorised based on their social class and financial
gains
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. Many individuals argue that the
government
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is responsible for the
difference
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between rich and poor families
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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becoming broader day by day
whereas
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others believe to get financial
gains
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each individual
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is accountable.
However
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, I believe that the
government
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and
individual
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individuals
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could fix
this
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issues
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issue
show examples
by taking appropriate steps.
This
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essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
.
To begin
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with,
people
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suggest that the
government
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should take
charges
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charge
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to minimise the
difference
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between high and
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
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people
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.
Moreover
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, they blame for
this
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difference
Use synonyms
which is partly fair as in many nations authorities are more connected to wealthy families as they could help
to
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apply
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each other in professional and financial
gains
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in the long-term
such
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as
,
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apply
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Industrialist
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industrialists
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,
politicians
Correct word choice
and politicians
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. on
contarary
Correct your spelling
contrary
, where the poor family or daily wage worker can not be useful to
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government
Add an article
the government
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in terms of
fianancial
Correct your spelling
financial
gains
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whenever they needed.
For instance
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, Politicians often make friends with renowned
industrialist
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industrialists
show examples
to fulfil their personal agenda.
Furthermore
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, not only the
government
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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responsible but
also
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the individual itself is accountable for
this
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fair
difference
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as the opportunities
of
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for
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basic needs
such
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as
education
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and
job
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jobs
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are provided to all in general so,
people
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who rather get
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
an education
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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remained
Wrong verb form
remain
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uneducated and jobless.
Hence
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, it is
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
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who creates
this
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standard of low income and
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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poorer by
itself
Correct pronoun usage
himself
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.
For example
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, ruling parties provide free
education
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to
laborers
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labourers
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but, they do not get
enroled
Correct your spelling
enrolled
their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school and fail to provide basic
education
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therefore
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, when they become young they remain jobless and find difficulties
to get
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in getting
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minimum wage which makes them below average socioeconomic status.
To conclude
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, it is undeniable that at some point the
government
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plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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role
to create
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in creating
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a vast
difference
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of
Change preposition
in
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socioeconomic
Correct article usage
the socioeconomic
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status of the individual
however
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,
Correct article usage
the individual
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is responsible for their finances. To lower
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this irregularities
Change the determiner
this irregularity
these irregularities
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of class the
government
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and
people
Use synonyms
should make fair policies to build a wealthy nation.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well but could be clearer by restating the question more directly. Consider rephrasing the main question in your own words for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically. The transition between points could be more fluid, helping the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
The examples provided are relevant but need more elaboration to strengthen your points. Try using more specific examples or data to illustrate your arguments effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and sentence structures to improve the clarity of your writing. Simplifying complex sentences can make your points clearer and more impactful.
Task Achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both perspectives, which is important for this type of essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance, reinforcing the main arguments of your essay.
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