IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

General Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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In our inevitably changing world
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health-care
Use synonyms
 servicing is still supposed as one of the basic necessities.
However
Linking Words
, private sectors by presenting significant benefits have made the mentioned requisite
service
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, quite costly and explosive. Despite these merits, I strongly believe the drawbacks of private firms in
Use synonyms
health-care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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services
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outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 the breakthroughs merely because of violating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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basic human rights plus some other reasons supporting
this
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 view. On the one hand, there are reasonable pace and quality in private
health-care
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services
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. Unquestionably, the patient would be visited and addressed by professionals in
short
Add an article
a short
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 time having the
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last
Correct word choice
latest
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 version of technological
machineries
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machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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 to test and diagnose.
For example
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, there is a VIP (Very Important Person)
service
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 in most of the
private
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privately
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 owned hospitals, that provides
very
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a very
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 complete check-up merely by a phone request, and
Linking Words
moreover
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moreover,
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 the group receiving
this
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level
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 of
service
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 are quite satisfied.
On the other hand
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, some other
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the society which is likely supposed as majority advocate the cost will not be afforded mainly by normal and moderate
level
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 populace.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
unability
Correct your spelling
inability
 to cover the mentioned costs and resultantly not receiving
the
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apply
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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Use synonyms
health-care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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services
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, might be considered
as
Correct your spelling
an
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 inequality and unethical issue that can violate
the
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apply
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basic social human rights.
For example
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, the general social view will not consent that a normal teenager might be pronounced
as
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apply
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deceased because merely is not able to afford
a
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apply
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heart surgery costs. In conclusion, there are some merits
such
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 as
pace
Correct article usage
the pace
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 and quality
in
Change preposition
of
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 private
Use synonyms
health-care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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service
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the overrated costs which can be afforded by
Correct article usage
the afflouent
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afflouent
Correct your spelling
affluent
 community would create inequality and unethical issues none of which could be accepted by
the
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apply
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society. Resultantly, governments shall consider some rules to implement the qualitative
level
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 of health-caring
services
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 for whole people and reconsider
for
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apply
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some amount of budget to keep the
level
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 of mentioned
services
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 up-to-date and technologically acceptable.

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task achievement
The introduction effectively states the topic, but could be clearer in presenting the main argument. Consider rephrasing to emphasize your stance more strongly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to your thesis statement, aiding logical flow and coherence. While you present arguments, transitions between points could be smoother.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or details to support your claims. While you mention VIP services, including more varied examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main ideas, but it could be enhanced by restating your opinion more strongly and suggesting broader implications of the issues raised.
task achievement
You have identified a relevant and significant issue regarding the cost of private health care, which adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, reflecting a balanced view of the topic, which is commendable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
What to do next:
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