In many countries, governments spend a large amount supporting the arts. Some people think that it is a justified use of government money.Others,however, believe that it is better to spend public money on health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent times, spending a massive amount of financial resources on the
arts
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has become a broad issue for the general public. Some individuals claim
this
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approach is beneficial and they endorse it
while
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others believe that
healthcare
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and
education
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should be prioritized rather than
arts
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.
However
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, it seems to me that striking a balance between
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them would yield the best outcomes possible. I will shed light on my viewpoint in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are some reasons why
healthcare
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and
education
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should be above the
arts
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in the investment of authorities.
Firstly
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, a very crucial point to consider is that the diseases of the residents
has
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have
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increased tremendously
due to
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various aspects of habitat in recent decades.
This
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means that the vast number of
healthcare
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issues and treatments have become complex
as a result
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the hospitals are running out of capacity.
Additionally
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, if governments do not set aside money for these, the local dwellers will suffer from the disorder as the bad equipment in the near future.
Besides
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, another part I would like to mention is that the lack of
education
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is growing increasingly concern, particularly in rural areas.
This
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is because the fact that
students
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students are
students were
show examples
still inaccessible to the high-academic
as
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and
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low-income levels.
Therefore
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, the government should
also
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prioritize
this
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to support poor
childrens
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children
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who will have a variety of opportunities to become
more-well
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more
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rounded
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well-rounded
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persons.
On the other hand
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, the
arts
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are
also
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a necessary part of contemporary
life
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. Apart from these factors have
develop
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developed
show examples
optimally, the
arts
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can unify people and foster creativity. In the Digital Age, humans normally have a tendency to find value in their lives. In order to gain
this
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,
investing
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invest
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in building museums and
organizing
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organise
show examples
exhibitions that can enrich the quality and experiences of
life
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. In inclusion, the masses should have
further
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consideration on
this
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issue. I believe that striking a balance between all of the sections is an optimal
issues
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issue
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.
While
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healthcare
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and
education
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improve and enhance other aspects of
life
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, the
arts
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also
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contribute to
enrich
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enriching
show examples
value
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the value
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of
life
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.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents your opinion, but you could enhance it by briefly outlining the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your ideas into distinct paragraphs. This will help improve coherence.
task achievement
Although you mentioned important points about healthcare and education, including more specific examples or statistics can strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and word choice to improve overall clarity and cohesion. For example, instead of 'striking a balance between of them,' you could say 'striking a balance between the two.'
task achievement
You have presented a clear viewpoint on the topic, which is crucial for IELTS essays.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument well, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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