In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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modern
time
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time,
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there are still
countries
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, which
has
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have
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got strict
attitiudes
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attitudes
and
rules
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of behaviour.
Unfortunately
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Unfortunately,
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these
attitiudes
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attitudes
are dreadful,
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and that
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that
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they
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still exist. Meanwhile,
the
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apply
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most
countries
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of the world have different views, respect and think
children
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are important for the
country
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.
This
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essay will
dicuss
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discuss
both
of
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apply
show examples
views and in the conclusion, I will clearly state my
positon
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position
show examples
on
this
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issue. On the one hand, a category of
countries
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and people have still and maintaining their values,
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also
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and also
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believe that attitudes are
correctly
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correct
show examples
,
furthermore
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,
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this
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these
show examples
values are significantly important. So the
children
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are obliged to do and follow all
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this
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these
show examples
rules
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. Exactly, what
rules
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could be
they are
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there
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I do not know, but if there is
thing
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the thing
a thing
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which is strict for
children
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,
this
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is dreadful for me.
On the other hand
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, a category of people and
countries
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are admire
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are admired
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to
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apply
show examples
children
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and opposed to
have
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having
show examples
strict
rules
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.
For example
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in my
country
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, as I know,
here
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there
show examples
is
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are
show examples
not any strict
rules
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. I believe
,
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apply
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the
govenment
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government
must protect their
cityzens
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citizens
and try to give more
comfotable
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comfortable
rules
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as
child
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children
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as adults. I think
,
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apply
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family
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the family
a family
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must have
firmly
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a firm
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attitude and make sure their
children
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have
Verb problem
are
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raised
on
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in
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the right way.
Furthermore
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, any child in the world
are not deserve
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does not deserve
show examples
to have any kind of strict
rules
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. In conclusion, from my point of
view
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view,
show examples
the
children
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are most
valueable
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valuable
,
what
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that
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people or
countries
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have got, because when they become adults could be become
president
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the president
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of the
country
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or have any kind of duty for their
country
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and
this
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significantly important to be raised
appropriatly
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appropriately
. I believe,
those
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that those
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countries
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who
has got
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
strict
rules
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of behaviour,
they
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apply
show examples
will change their
rules
Use synonyms
. Because of the person, one time they will have
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
person in the government and change attitudes.

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introduction
Your introduction presents the topic well, but consider rephrasing to clarify your stance more explicitly. Instead of stating you'll conclude your position, you could preview your main points.
coherence
Try to organize your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should primarily cover one main idea to enhance logical flow. For instance, your first body paragraph could focus solely on the strict rules and their implications, while the second could explore the benefits of a more relaxed approach.
cohesion
Some sentences are unclear due to grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Proofreading your work or reading it aloud may help identify areas that need simplification or clearer expression.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. You mentioned your country but didn't provide specific instances or evidence that illustrate your points about children’s rights or behavioral expectations.
strength
Your essay acknowledges both sides of the argument, which is a great way to show a balanced perspective on the topic.
strength
You've addressed the importance of children’s upbringing and government roles, which is relevant and thought-provoking.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • discipline
  • autonomy
  • safety
  • responsibility
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • independence
  • boundaries
  • rebellion
  • holistic development
  • structure
  • nurturing environment
  • behavioral expectations
  • social norms
  • authority
  • decision-making skills
  • consequences
  • respect
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