In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
this
modern Linking Words
time
there are still Add a comma
time,
countries
, which Use synonyms
has
got strict Correct subject-verb agreement
have
attitiudes
and Correct your spelling
attitudes
rules
of behaviour. Use synonyms
Unfortunately
these Add a comma
Unfortunately,
attitiudes
are dreadful, Correct your spelling
attitudes
Correct word choice
and that
that
still exist. Meanwhile, Correct pronoun usage
they
the
most Correct article usage
apply
countries
of the world have different views, respect and think Use synonyms
children
are important for the Use synonyms
country
. Use synonyms
This
essay will Linking Words
dicuss
both Correct your spelling
discuss
of
views and in the conclusion, I will clearly state my Change preposition
apply
positon
on Correct your spelling
position
this
issue.
On the one hand, a category of Linking Words
countries
and people have still and maintaining their values, Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
believe that attitudes are Correct word choice
and also
correctly
, Change the word
correct
furthermore
, Linking Words
Linking Words
this
values are significantly important. So the Change the determiner
these
children
are obliged to do and follow all Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
rules
. Exactly, what Use synonyms
rules
could be Use synonyms
they are
I do not know, but if there is Correct your spelling
there
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which is strict for Add an article
the thing
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, Use synonyms
this
is dreadful for me.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, a category of people and Linking Words
countries
Use synonyms
are admire
Change the verb form
are admired
to
Change preposition
apply
children
and opposed to Use synonyms
have
strict Change the verb form
having
rules
. Use synonyms
For example
in my Linking Words
country
, as I know, Use synonyms
here
Correct your spelling
there
is
not any strict Change the verb form
are
rules
. I believeUse synonyms
,
the Remove the comma
apply
govenment
must protect their Correct your spelling
government
cityzens
and try to give more Correct your spelling
citizens
comfotable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
rules
as Use synonyms
child
as adults. I thinkFix the agreement mistake
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
family
must have Add an article
the family
a family
firmly
attitude and make sure their Rephrase
a firm
children
Use synonyms
have
raised Verb problem
are
on
the right way. Change preposition
in
Furthermore
, any child in the world Linking Words
are not deserve
to have any kind of strict Change the verb form
does not deserve
rules
.
In conclusion, from my point of Use synonyms
view
the Add a comma
view,
children
are most Use synonyms
valueable
, Correct your spelling
valuable
what
people or Correct word choice
that
countries
have got, because when they become adults could be become Use synonyms
president
of the Correct article usage
the president
country
or have any kind of duty for their Use synonyms
country
and Use synonyms
this
significantly important to be raised Linking Words
appropriatly
. I believe, Correct your spelling
appropriately
those
Correct word choice
that those
countries
who Use synonyms
has got
strict Wrong verb form
have
rules
of behaviour, Use synonyms
they
will change their Correct pronoun usage
apply
rules
. Because of the person, one time they will have Use synonyms
right
person in the government and change attitudes.Add an article
the right
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introduction
Your introduction presents the topic well, but consider rephrasing to clarify your stance more explicitly. Instead of stating you'll conclude your position, you could preview your main points.
coherence
Try to organize your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should primarily cover one main idea to enhance logical flow. For instance, your first body paragraph could focus solely on the strict rules and their implications, while the second could explore the benefits of a more relaxed approach.
cohesion
Some sentences are unclear due to grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Proofreading your work or reading it aloud may help identify areas that need simplification or clearer expression.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. You mentioned your country but didn't provide specific instances or evidence that illustrate your points about children’s rights or behavioral expectations.
strength
Your essay acknowledges both sides of the argument, which is a great way to show a balanced perspective on the topic.
strength
You've addressed the importance of children’s upbringing and government roles, which is relevant and thought-provoking.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite