Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, too much emphasis has been given to edification on the young generation has become a broad issue for the general public. Some people argue that the government should spend more money on youth’s free time activities.
However
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, it seems to me that a balance between learning and relaxing is necessary. The following essay will shed light on these viewpoints. The education of the youth has been a heated topic in contemporary society. On the one hand, it is essential to acknowledge that individuals ought to recognise the significant advantages of education. A critical aspect to consider is that schooling is used to prepare for future employment or shape career paths, which underscores its role in shaping career paths.
Moreover
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, another important point to highlight is that education fosters critical thinking, enabling young people to analyse different situations and make informed decisions.
This
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arises from the fact that well-educated individuals can promote both personal and professional development, which ultimately benefits society as a whole.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that free time activities. A significant factor to explore is that it promotes social skills, teamwork and creativity, which underscores its role in young people’s holistic growth. To illustrate
this
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perspective, one might refer to providing a necessary outlet for stress by taking part in a sports club or a running club, which
also
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encourages a healthier lifestyle.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that building skills
such
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as discipline, time management, and resilience.
This
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assertion is supported by the fact that teenagers engaging in community activities have a better understanding of different cultures and traditions. In conclusion,
while
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literacy provides undeniable benefits in terms of preparing children for the future and contributing to society, free-time exercises
also
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play an important role in shaping well-rounded individuals.
Nevertheless
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, I believe scholarship should remain the main priority of government funding,
while
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still allocating some resources to recreational programs to support the
overall
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development of the younger generation.

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task response
Make your main stance clear at once and restate it in the end, so the reader sees your view.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas with simple words in a smooth flow; use words like also, but, so, next, finally.
task response
Give more exact examples to back up ideas and show how they work.
language use
Check grammar and spell with care; keep sentences short and easy.
content
The essay has a clear aim.
structure
It shows a balance view and two sides.
content
Some good ideas on how study and free time can help the young.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overemphasis
  • burnout
  • well-being
  • mental health
  • social inclusion
  • non-academic skills
  • recreational facilities
  • antisocial behaviors
  • extracurricular activities
  • diverse interests
  • personal growth
  • real-world skills
  • intellectual society
  • undue stress
  • teamwork
  • societal development
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