Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the issue of government spending on
education
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and leisure
activities
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for youth has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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some
individuals
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maintain that
education
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is necessary for the future of
the
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apply
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young people,
other
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others
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views
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apply
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emphasize
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emphasise
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the importance of investing in free time
activity
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activities
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.
This
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essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of these differing viewpoints. On the one hand, it is imperative to
recognize
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recognise
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that
individuals
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should appreciate the substantial benefits of
education
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. A pivotal point to consider is that it can serve as an efficient way to prepare for future
employments
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employment
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, which
emphasize
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emphasises
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that it helps create a wide range of job opportunities.
Moreover
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, an additional crucial aspect to highlight is
it
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that it
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helps foster critical thinking.
This
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stems from the understanding that it helps
analyze
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analyse
show examples
different situations and make
inform
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informed
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decision
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decisions
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.
In
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An
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additional advantage of educating is that
educating is
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it
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promote
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promotes
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personal and professional development.
Besides
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that, it allows student to shape their career paths and contribute to society positively.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that benefits
of
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from
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free time
activities
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. A significant factor to explore is that it
equip
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equips
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individuals
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with social skills , developing basic skills
such
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as communication, cooperation, and emotional control by participating in outdoor
activities
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.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that it can serve as an efficient way to provide a necessary outlet for stress. To illustrate
this
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perspective, one might refer to students
can
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who can
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relax their
mind
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minds
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by joining outdoor games or taking a short walk after class.
Additional
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Additionally
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, it helps encourage a healthier lifestyle by joining sports
activities
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.
Finally
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, outdoor
activities
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helps
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help
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individuals
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promote
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apply
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have a better understanding of different
culture
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cultures
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and traditions by taking part in cultural exchange programs or festival
activities
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. In conclusion, balancing the
spent
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spending
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between
education
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and outdoor
activities
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for young people is crucial. Rather than diminishing the importance of
education
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, the government should aim for
comprehensive
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a comprehensive
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approach. The government ensure physical and mental development for the younger generation.

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Task Response
State your position clearly in the intro and final paragraph; say if you agree or how much you agree.
Coherence
Link ideas with simple words and phrases to show how ideas go together.
Coherence
Give each idea more detail or a real example from life or study.
Language
Check small grammar mistakes and fix them, like 'inform decision' and 'additional'.
Content
The essay tries to talk about both sides and ends with a view of balance.
Structure
There is a clear intro, body and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overemphasis
  • burnout
  • well-being
  • mental health
  • social inclusion
  • non-academic skills
  • recreational facilities
  • antisocial behaviors
  • extracurricular activities
  • diverse interests
  • personal growth
  • real-world skills
  • intellectual society
  • undue stress
  • teamwork
  • societal development
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