IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a belief that supermarkets and manufacturers have a duty to reduce the packaging of products they sell. Others argue that consumers must avoid buying products with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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While
Linking Words
 some people believe that supermarkets and manufacturers should take an account to reduce the packaging of
products
Use synonyms
 they sell, others think that consumers have to avoid purchasing
products
Use synonyms
 with a lot of packaging.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and explain why I think both
customers
Use synonyms
,
producers
Use synonyms
, and sellers should be responsible for reducing too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 containers. On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 hand, many people think that a duty to reduce packaging belongs to retailers and
producers
Use synonyms
 because they can contribute to a higher rate of reduction, addressing the current
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issues. Changing some parts of their packages, not only their design but
also
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 materials used, leads to a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 decrease in non-environmental friendly materials used.
For example
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, in the past, Japanese manufacturers chose to cover their
products
Use synonyms
 with 3 layers of plastic boxes.
Although
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 their design was so fantastic and
rose
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 their prices, they produced a lot of
gabbages
Correct your spelling
cabbages
garbage
 that
impact
Wrong verb form
impacted
show examples
 the environment terribly.
On the other hand
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, it is thought that consumers play an important role in decreasing packaging produced since their voices
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
matter and that can
change
Use synonyms
producers
Use synonyms
' behaviour. To survive in
this
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 competitive era, sellers must listen to their
customers
Use synonyms
. If buyers avoid or ban the
products
Use synonyms
covering
Wrong verb form
covered
show examples
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge useless packaging, the sales of those
products
Use synonyms
 will drop.
As a result
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, the owners must stop producing too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 packaging in order to meet their
customers
Use synonyms
' expectations, eventually resulting in a larger number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
packaging's reduction. To reduce the packaging effectively,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the
responsilibity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of all
stakeholderes
Correct your spelling
stakeholders
 regardless of their positions.
While
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producers
Use synonyms
 and sellers can
change
Use synonyms
 the way they pack their
products
Use synonyms
, consumers can
change
Use synonyms
 their behaviours to consume
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 with a lot of packaging.
Moreover
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, the government is
also
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 another player who has a duty to foster the reduction. By imposing a strict policy
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 packaging manufactured,
increasing
Correct word choice
and increasing
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 taxes, the number of packaging will decline significantly. In conclusion, it is a duty for everyone to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in reducing packaging.
While
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 supermarkets and manufacturers should
change
Use synonyms
 their design and materials used
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
packagaing
Correct your spelling
packaging
,
customers
Use synonyms
 should
buying
Change the verb form
buy
be buying
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 with less packaging to influent the
producers
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government should impose a policy and increase taxes to reduce the production of any packaging effectively.

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task achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction. Clearly state your opinion on the responsibility of packaging reduction to guide your reader.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your paragraphs by ensuring each has a clear topic sentence that aligns with your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using informal language and minor grammatical issues, such as phrases like 'On the on hand' which should be 'On the one hand.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide a logical flow of ideas with appropriate linking words to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You present a balanced discussion by addressing both views before giving your opinion, which is a strong approach.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the case of Japanese manufacturers, which supports your points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points made throughout the essay, reinforcing your perspective on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • packaging
  • sustainable
  • biodegradable
  • waste management
  • environmental concerns
  • refill stations
  • bulk buying
  • eco-friendly
  • conscious consumerism
  • collaborative
  • responsibility
  • initiatives
  • excessive
  • alternative materials
  • environmentally conscious
What to do next:
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