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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart shows men and women proficient in foreign language in several countries

The chart shows men and women proficient in foreign language in several countries
The bar chart provides key information about the levels of
proficiency
Use synonyms
 in a foreign
Language
Fix capitalization
language
show examples
 among male and female students across
varíous
Correct your spelling
various
 countries. The units are measured in percentages.
overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 has the highest levels of
proficiency
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 generally have higher
proficiency
Use synonyms
 rates in most countries compared to
males
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
males
Use synonyms
showLower
Correct your spelling
show lower
 rates, except in Thailand.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, china has less than a fifth of
males
Use synonyms
 proficient in a foreign language, compared to approximately a third of
females
Use synonyms
. Romanian
males
Use synonyms
 are proficient at nearly 40%,
while
Linking Words
 two-thirds of Romanian
females
Use synonyms
 demonstrate
proficiency
Use synonyms
. in terms of indía, the
proficiency
Use synonyms
 rate for
males
Use synonyms
 is approximately 56%,
while
Linking Words
 for
females
Use synonyms
, it is nearly two-thirds. Russian
males
Use synonyms
 have a
proficiency
Use synonyms
 figure near a
third,
Linking Words
with
females
Use synonyms
 showing a slightly higher value at 42%. Thailand's
proficiency
Use synonyms
 for both genders is almost equivalent, each around 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. In
vietnam
Change the capitalization
Vietnam
show examples
,
females
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 showed a higher rate of
proficiency
Use synonyms
 compared to
males
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proficiency, females, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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