IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Urbanization
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The urbanization
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 rate is constantly increasing in
majority
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the majority
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 of countries, leaving the rural
population
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Fix the infinitive
to falls
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falls
Correct subject-verb agreement
fall
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.
While
Linking Words
 the
city
Use synonyms
 area might become highly packed, I firmly believe
this
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 will result in positive
development
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 of the
country
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. Rising cities'
population
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 will support
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country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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development
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 in terms of fulfilling human resources capacity to boost the economy.
While
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 it is evident that most countries' economic activities are centralized in
Use synonyms
Add an article
the city
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city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 metropolitans, many companies
has
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have
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 shown poor productivity because of lacking
in
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of
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workforce
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the workforce
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 both quality and quantity.
Thus
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, responding to
urbanization
Correct article usage
the urbanization
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 rate, increasing human
resource
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resources
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 will positively increase the competition in business and
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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. In order to survive, people will be
enforced
Verb problem
forced
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 to learn and perform better.
This
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 will ultimately increase
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overall
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the overall
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 performance of companies
such
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 as improving sales and revenue, eventually
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
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 to the
country
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 itself.
Along
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During
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 the period,
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population
Correct article usage
the population
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 imbalance
among
Change preposition
between
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Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 will shift into an equilibrium stage by itself.
However
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, once
this
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 stage happened, the working force would already have gained enough knowledge and skills from cities.
In
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On
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 the other side,
this
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population
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 will
bring
Verb problem
have
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 impact
their
Change preposition
on their
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 circle of influence when they
transmigrate
Verb problem
migrate
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 back to their initial rural area.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 positive influence of education and knowledge can contribute to rural
development
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 in terms of economy, infrastructure, health, etc.
Overall
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,
movement
Correct article usage
the movement
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 of
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
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population
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 into urban areas significantly
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 the
country
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.
Although
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 it is arguable that cities may become overpopulated, periodically,
transmigration
Correct article usage
the transmigration
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 of
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population
Add an article
the population
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 to rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 will happen by itself.
Lastly
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,
this
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 will
further
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 note the positive
development
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 not only in
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
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 but
also
Linking Words
 countryside.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view of urbanization, including some potential negative impacts to enrich your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure smoother transitions between your ideas and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your claims, particularly regarding the positive effects of urban migration on rural areas.
task achievement
Your thesis statement clearly expresses your strong belief in the positive aspects of urbanization, setting a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
You have effectively identified some of the benefits of urbanization, such as increased competition and improved performance in the workplace.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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