Olympic games are very very important and respected in the past. However, some people say that technological improvements have reduced the importance of Olympic games in this 21st-century do you agree or disagree with this

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The Olympics

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

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always been a heated topic since the game was introduced, and it was highly acknowledged by the global community. Yet, recent advancements in technology have altered many people's perception

Change preposition

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this

Linking Words

vital event. Personally, I argue that it is still of great

signficance

Correct your spelling

significance

despite changes in our society and here are the reasons why.

Firstly

Linking Words

Use synonyms

Olympic

Correct article usage

the Olympic

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games

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play an essential role in educating our children or students. It establishes a role model of

atheletic

Correct your spelling

athletic

spirits, promoting peace, unity and competition.

This

Linking Words

benefitial

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beneficial

for our children, as it motivates them to be diligent in

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sport

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sports

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training and become resilient when it comes to different challenges.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, it encourages more young individuals to participate in physical

educations

Fix the agreement mistake

education

show examples

This

Linking Words

ultimately leads

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to a

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healthier generation of kids,

according to

Linking Words

a vast body of literature

around

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show examples

this

Linking Words

topic.

Moreover

Linking Words

, from an

econoic

Correct your spelling

economic

perspective, popular

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sport

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sports

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venues like the Olympics enable more business opportunities and exposure to

its

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the

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hosting country and city. Taking the Asian game that was held in my city in 2010

for example

Linking Words

, more jobs were made available for the locals to prepare for the glamorous event. Thousands of tourists flushed into the city with money to spend

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hospitalities

Replace the word

hospital

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services, which significantly boosted our economic income.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, we cannot ignore the growing demand

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for

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technological developments and their contribution to our society. Yet,

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do believe that it does not

interfer

Correct your spelling

interfere

with hosting

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Olympic

Correct article usage

the Olympic

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games

Use synonyms

On the contrary

Linking Words

Use synonyms

Olympic

Correct article usage

the Olympic

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games

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promote

the technology

Replace the word

technological

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improvements just

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the innovation of

high speed

Add a hyphen

high-speed

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cameras and

refining

Correct article usage

the refining

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materials for different

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sport

Change the noun form

sports

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purposes. In a nutshell,

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Olympic

Correct article usage

the Olympic

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games

Use synonyms

should always be respectfully recognised, as demonstrated by the

preceeding

Correct your spelling

preceding

discussion. They hold great values that

trescend

Correct your spelling

transcend

our

preliminate

Correct your spelling

preliminary

understanding of

Use synonyms

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

events, and we should always treat

Correct pronoun usage

them

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seriously as it was before.

robbieyan666Sat Mar 08 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your position, which is good. However, it could be stronger by simplifying the language and removing redundancy (e.g., 'vital event' can be replaced with 'event'). Try to use more concise phrasing.

coherence and cohesion

Consider improving the overall flow of the essay. Ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to one another. Transitional phrases or sentences can enhance coherence.

task achievement

While your points are valid, some arguments lack direct relevance to the question regarding technological impact on the Olympics. Focus more on technology's role in the context of the games rather than broader social implications.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion repeats some ideas already presented. Aim to summarize your main points succinctly and reinforce your stance without introducing new information.

positive aspect

You've shown a clear opinion and structure your essay logically with distinct paragraphs, each addressing different points.

positive aspect

The examples you provided, like the Asian Games, add a personal touch that enhances the relevance of your argument. This engages the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

303 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prestige
significance
athleticism
commercialization
performance enhancement
cultural impact
unity
technological advancements
exclusivity
sponsorship
digital media
live broadcasting
dedication
competition
globalization

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Olympic games are very very important and respected in the past. However, some people say that technological improvements have reduced the importance of Olympic games in this 21st-century do you agree or disagree with this

Fully explain your ideas

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

Some people feel that cities should allow for spaces for graffiti while others feel it should be banned. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, the widespread internet gives freedom for study and work at home instead of traveling to work and college. To what extent the advantages outweigh the disagvantages.