IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Topic: Some sociologists say that, it is a waste of time for students to pursue secondary education for 12 years. It is better to shorten it to 9 years only, then go to vocational school to learn a skill applied in their jobs or go to university to get a degree. To what extent do you agree with this?

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Many think that
length
Correct article usage
the length
show examples
 of education should
be shorten
Change the verb form
be shortened
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 to 9 years and children must get beneficial
skills
Use synonyms
 for 3 years. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because some students required with good computer and collaborative
skills
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
from
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 universities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, children should enhance creative, collaborative, and computer
skills
Use synonyms
 which will be
able
Correct word choice
apply
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extremely essential in their future workplaces.
In other words
Linking Words
, if students do not learn
wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of necessary
skills
Use synonyms
, they may not adapt to heavy
workload
Fix the agreement mistake
workloads
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 in the future.
In
Change preposition
At
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 Cambridge University, one remarkable research
illustates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 that people can reinforce their productivity
,
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apply
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 when they
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 with
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 of coordinating efforts.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teenagers can get
immense
Add an article
an immense
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 amount of scientific
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 from schools. Scientific experiences improve
student's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
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 general knowledge, thereby it may be more useful for
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.

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task response
Clarify your position in the introduction. Make it clear if you fully agree, partially agree, or disagree with the statement.
task response
Expand your points with more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the points logically follow each other.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce a clear conclusion that summarizes your views and restates your main points.
task achievement
You have identified important skills that are relevant in today’s job market, such as collaborative and computer skills.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and body paragraphs, which is a good starting point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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