IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

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In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 world, technological advancement plays a
pivitol
Correct your spelling
pivotal
 role in human life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 believe that the new technical
features
Use synonyms
 promote the connectivity of humankind,
while
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 others argue that it only
separate
Replace the word
separates
show examples
 human connection because some older
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 find that their
childrend
Correct your spelling
children
 tend to spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in front of computers.
However
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, I believe that
thechnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 supports mankind in extensive
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to stay connected with the innovation of new
features
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as introducing many social media platforms and calling
features
Use synonyms
. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss these
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 to support my perspective. On the one hand, there is a belief that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
discourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
discourages
show examples
pepople
Correct your spelling
people
to meet
Change preposition
from meeting
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 in person
instead
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 of they make a phone call.
Furthermore
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, in modern
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 the younger generation
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in front of
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
,
while
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 not only exerting their college work but
also
Linking Words
, enjoying themselves by playing
video
Use synonyms
 games. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
further
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, the recent study conducted by
Electronic
Correct article usage
the Electronic
show examples
 Sports Ministry in the USA reveals that 80% of student tend to spend their
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
video
Use synonyms
 games
instead
Linking Words
 of playing outside.
Thus
Linking Words
, because of that some can argue
this
Linking Words
phenominon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
demote
Correct subject-verb agreement
demotes
show examples
 social relationships.
On the other hand
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, it is evident that
technology
Use synonyms
 helps to improve communication from
Correct article usage
a varity
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varity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of options
as
Change preposition
For
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an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present there are many social platform that enables
people
Use synonyms
 to express their feelings and
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 in public.
Moreover
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, in the modern
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
telecomunication
Correct your spelling
telecommunication
telecommunications
 is much more reasonable than
earlier
Change preposition
in earlier
show examples
 days,
in addition
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 to that there are
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of calling
features
Use synonyms
 like face
time
Use synonyms
 calling which enables
video
Use synonyms
 calls. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, a survey conducted by GOOGLE
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 that 90% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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migrant
Fix the agreement mistake
migrants
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 now enjoy the usage of technological aspects in order to be in
touched
Change the form of the verb
touch
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 with their loved ones, they
further
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 cite that in earlier days
people
Use synonyms
 did not
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 that chance.
This
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highlighs
Correct your spelling
highlights
 the significant impact of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 personal relationships. In conclusion, I believe most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are
benifited
Correct your spelling
benefited
benefitted
 from
technology
Use synonyms
 to keep their relationships by consuming
technologycal
Correct your spelling
technological
 techniques
such
Linking Words
 as social media and
video
Use synonyms
 conferencing,
while
Linking Words
 some still believe that it only
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the distance of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 personal affairs
due to
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 not only young
people
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their
time
Use synonyms
 to use computers but
also
Linking Words
, they prefer online meetups. In order to keep the world more
unite
Wrong verb form
united
show examples
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 have a
pivitol
Correct your spelling
pivotal
 role to play and
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 must act upon it by lifting telecommunication taxes.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will give the reader a clear idea of what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to properly structure your paragraphs by ensuring each one focuses on a single idea that supports your argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples or explanations to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and help convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Be careful with spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract from your arguments. Proofreading your essay before submission can help catch these issues.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and addresses both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as studies and surveys, adds credibility to your arguments and shows engagement with the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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