IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe music plays an important role in society, while others think it is only a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch,
music
Use synonyms
 has become a universal source
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 enjoyment and relaxation among society. The notion that
music
Use synonyms
 is a necessary part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 is a viewpoint held by many.
However
Linking Words
, critics believe that it is simply a source
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 enjoyment for a person. I opine that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 not only renders entertainment but
also
Linking Words
 plays many other roles
besides
Linking Words
 To commence with, there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of reasons for believing that
music
Use synonyms
 is necessary for community.
Firstly
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, tremendous people have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proficiency
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 playing instruments and good vocals and
thus
Linking Words
,

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task achievement
Develop your main points further by providing specific examples or anecdotes to support your claims about music's role in society and individual enjoyment.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured with clear main ideas, as this will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
The introduction presents a clear topic and states your opinion, which is important in responding to the task.
coherence and cohesion
You demonstrate an understanding of both sides of the argument, which is a solid approach to this type of question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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