IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Of late, it is believed that students studying in secondary school and high school should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is said that handling
money
Use synonyms
 is an essential skill to learn for students.
That is
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 to say, a group of individuals opine that educational institutes
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 teach
money
Use synonyms
 management to the students. I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 support
this
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 belief. My reasons are
further
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 discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, we tend to use
money
Use synonyms
 every day, regardless of small or big purchases.
Therefore
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, people are more inclined to face
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 challenges.
In addition
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, when buyers smartly use
salary
Correct pronoun usage
their salary
show examples
, they are saving some bucks for themselves, leading
financially
Correct article usage
a financially
show examples
secured
Replace the word
secure
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 future for the family.
Furthermore
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, people, especially teenagers,
are tend
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tend
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 to make unthoughtful purchases,
due to
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 peer pressure and alluring advertisements.
Hence
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, they need to understand using their
pocket-
Correct your spelling
pocket money
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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,
this
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 is the era of investments. If they are taught to invest their cash
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 shares or property, they can have extra bucks to spend.
Although
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 it is and risky and time-consuming skill to learn, it can be fruitful for the forthcoming time. Smartly invested
money
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 not only brings
frutful
Correct your spelling
fruitful
 outcomes, but it can
also
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 disappear
financial
Change preposition
from financial
show examples
 instability.
To sum up
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, using
money
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 in an effective is often undervalued by many individuals, leading to unnecessary expenses.
Therefore
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, schools should
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 management classes, and people from the teenage group must be encouraged to
sigh
Correct your spelling
sign
show examples
 up for that.

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Grammar
Make sure to proofread your work to correct spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'shoud' (should), 'completly' (completely), 'finacial' (financial), 'definetly' (definitely), and 'sigh up' (sign up).
Content
Expand your examples and provide more context or personal experiences to support your arguments more comprehensively.
Cohesion
Use transitions and linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly states your position on the topic, which is essential for task completion.
Task Achievement
You present relevant arguments for teaching money management in schools, which demonstrates understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings culture
  • spending wisely
  • financial stability
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • financial goals
  • long-term financial health
  • digital transactions
  • online banking
  • interest rates
  • investments
  • credit scores
  • debt management
  • academic pressures
  • curriculum balance
  • informed financial decisions
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