IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or blue whale. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent decades, the rate of animal extinction has increased
due to
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 the widespread effects of climate change and human hunting.
Hence
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, scientists and conservationists use an annual amount of the government’s budget to keep and protect animals against hazards. In
this
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 situation, it is believed that spending money in
this
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area
Use synonyms
 to serve dying animals is unnecessary and unbeneficial. I disagree with their opinion; endangered species are vital to our ecosystem. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspective and explain the importance of conservation. At the outset, as I mentioned in the outline, our ecosystem operates in a cycle where if any part degrades, our environment will inevitably collapse in the long term. To clarify
this
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 sentence, all features in the world are directly or indirectly related, and the absence of one negatively impacts the others.
For example
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,
Due to
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 global warming, ocean temperatures have increased, causing some plankton and fish to become extinct.
As a result
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, the number of fish dependent on these resources has declined, and
this
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 trend continues up to humans. Ultimately, if
this
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 persists, we may face a global disaster in the future.
Additionally
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, children and scientists must become familiar with endangered species, so it is essential to invest in
this
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area
Use synonyms
 of science.
In other words
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, spending money in
this
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area
Use synonyms
 is inevitable to control
this
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 and preserve valuable features for the future.
For example
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, in some developed countries, budgets are allocated annually for children to learn how to maintain their environment, leading to the conservation of endangered species. In conclusion,
while
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 spending money in
this
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area
Use synonyms
 may seem unwise, the outcome for humanity is exceptional.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on how the conservation of endangered species directly benefits human societies, as this would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
While you provided good examples, try to incorporate more specific instances or case studies regarding successful conservation efforts.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the connection between your ideas by using linking words, which will help in improving the flow between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Although your introduction outlines your position well, providing a preview of the main points you will discuss might give your reader a clearer roadmap of your essay.
task achievement
You have a clear and distinct opinion, which is stated well in your introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for effective writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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