IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph illustrates the percentage of men who are smoking in Armenia, Egypt, Lebanon, Bangladesh, Cuba, Mexico and
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Along with
Linking Words
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 average between 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, Armenia shows the highest values in past years,
whereas
Linking Words
Australia
Use synonyms
 describes the lowest one. Mexico and
Australia
Use synonyms
 share almost the same result throughout
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 period. Armenia
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 indicates the biggest percentage in 2000
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hit
Wrong verb form
hitting
show examples
 65%.
Likewise
Linking Words
, Bangladesh
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 about the same quantities with smaller numbers of
smokers
Use synonyms
 in 2015. Egypt, display
Correct article usage
a bigher
show examples
bigher
Correct your spelling
bigger
higher
 amount of
smokers
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2015
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 reached just
blow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 50%, at the time it shows
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
smokers
Use synonyms
 in 2000 about 35% only.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Lebanon has nearly the same percentages
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same years as Egypt. In Cuba, the numbers of
smokers
Use synonyms
 are equal, with
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 amount in 2015. Mexico and
Australia
Use synonyms
, have almost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similer
Correct your spelling
similar
 numbers of
smokers
Use synonyms
 which are 35% by 2000, 20% by 2015, 28% by 2000,
18
Correct word choice
and 18
show examples
% by 2015 respectively. World averages of
smokers
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 represent balanced
vaules
Correct your spelling
values
 which are 42% in 2000 and 32% in 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, smokers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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