IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that playing sport is important, whereas, others think it’s just a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion also.

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The role of various sports has been always a topic of discussion, and now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is significant
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion, as they believe it is just a relaxation activity.
Although
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,
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apply
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 there may be a couple of reasons to support the latter viewpoint, I strongly agree sporting activities hold more than just a pastime thing to do. There are myriad reasons to elaborate the arguments but the most preponderant
one
Use synonyms
 stems from the fact that participation in sporting events mostly requires
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
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 level of dedication and
practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
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 for
one
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 to
successed
Correct your spelling
succeed
.
As a result
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, people have shown less interest
as well as
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 seriousness towards it, leading to
acnowledge
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
 it as a way to spend time with
closed
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close
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 ones.
For instance
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, not only
family
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do family
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 members play different outdoor or indoor
games
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 with each other, but friends get together for video
games
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.
Furthermore
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, as per the report by
National
Correct article usage
the National
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 Institute of Canada, only
one
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 out of ten students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tend to pursue their career
into
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in
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 athletic fields, considering its difficulties and low success rate.
However
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, there are some notable contributions by
athletism
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athleticism
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 that negate these arguments and which can certainly overwhelm the possible
influnce
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influence
 of
this
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 trend but the most outstanding
benifits
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benefits
 come with its
fruitfull
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fruitful
 outcomes afterwards.
Firstly
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, playing outdoor
games
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, like football, may act as
a
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apply
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training
to
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for
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 your body, leading to
have
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having
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 better
physiqe
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physique
 and stamina.
In addition
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, indoor
games
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 mostly challenge your mental ability, namely Chess.
Thus
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,
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this recreational activities
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this recreational activity
these recreational activities
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 are
famouly
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famously
 considered for improving your
overall
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 health.
To sum up
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,
according to
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 the arguments aforementioned above,
one
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 can reach
to
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apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that
the
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apply
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people should appreciate
significant
Add an article
the significant
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 value of recreational
games
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, rather than tagging
as
Correct pronoun usage
them as
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 a
freetime
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free time
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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 to do.
However
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, its potential advantages undoubtedly
depends
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depend
show examples
 on
athelets
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athletes
.

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task achievement
Your essay presents both views effectively but could provide a more balanced discussion. It’s important to elaborate on the perspective that views sports as merely a leisure activity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling errors and grammar. Words like 'successed' should be corrected to 'succeeded', and 'acnowledge' should be 'acknowledge'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between points. You could use more connecting phrases to enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear outline of the essay's argument, which is a strong start.
task achievement
You included relevant examples, such as the statistics from the National Institute of Canada, which adds credibility to your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cardiovascular health
  • fitness
  • well-being
  • teamwork
  • community
  • friendship
  • hobbies
  • relaxation
  • stress relief
  • individual goals
  • cognition
  • cooperation
  • leisure activity
  • physical activity
  • sportsmanship
  • recreational activities
  • athletic performance
  • competitive sports
  • personal development
What to do next:
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