Many fast food chains are expanding across the world into new countries. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many junk
food
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chains
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will expand to new
countries
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over
Rephrase
all over
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the world.
This
Linking Words
situation presents tangible benefits,
such
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as cultural dishes and significant income, which overshadow less
nothworthy
Correct your spelling
noteworthy
drawbacks, like health problems. The first compelling advantage of
expandation
Correct your spelling
expansion
is cultural cuisine. It is
also
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noted that fast
food
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chains
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which are being expanded will present opportunities to publicize tradition
as well as
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culture to foreign
countries
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. Fast
food
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also
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is
alternative
Correct article usage
an alternative
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dishes
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dish
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when everyone cannot choose
daily
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a daily
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meal
in
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on
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some days. Many foreigners
also
Linking Words
experience new
food
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in their
countries
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and appearances of fast
food
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help residents
satisfying
Wrong verb form
satisfy
show examples
Correct article usage
the expection
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expection
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expectations
of
experience
Wrong verb form
experiencing
show examples
many foods. Significant income is another positive element of
this
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issue.
This
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is because, these
countries
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which enjoy fast
food
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firstly
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, they find
this
Linking Words
dish delicious and they buy fast
food
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unconsiously
Correct your spelling
unconsciously
. Fast
food
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chains
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not only receive huge
profit
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profits
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but
also
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assist their
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countries
Change noun form
country's
countries'
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develop
Replace the word
development
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considerably. Take a good example in
Viet Nam
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Vietnam
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, fast
food
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chains
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sold
Wrong verb form
sell
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these products
with
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at
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high
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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because residents always look for new
food
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to enjoy and they
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
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to pay any price.
However
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, there are
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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aspects, namely health problems. It is
also
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noted that fast
food
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are
Change the verb form
is
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products which are fried with much oil.
Similarly
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, eating fast
food
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regularly will lead to blood pressure increasing,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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makes the body significantly obese. Take teenagers as a good instance, they often choose fast
food
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due to
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convenience
as well as
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affordable but
this
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leads to
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
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rate
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
up decisively. In conclusion, it can be seen that health problems are outweighed by cultural cuisine and
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
source of income.
Therefore
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, there is ample evidence
to conclude
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that
this
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essay has been positive.

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task achievement
The introduction could be more clearly structured, and it would be helpful to define what you mean by 'cultural dishes' more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve the flow of the essay. Consider using linking words effectively to make connections more obvious.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, ensure every main point is well supported with specific examples. While there are good examples, they could be more detailed and relevant in some places.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, indicating that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is essential for a strong argument.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples, such as the situation in Vietnam, adds relevance and specificity to your points, enhancing your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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