In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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People have longer lives than we used to have in multiple countries.

This

Linking Words

phenomenon comes with benefits and drawbacks for the increase in

Correct article usage

the aging

show examples

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

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population

Use synonyms

, leading to a discussion about the

comparision

Correct your spelling

comparison

between these two aspects. In my opinion, the elderly

creating

Wrong verb form

create

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positive

Correct article usage

a positive

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impact

Use synonyms

societies

Change preposition

on societies

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in two ways.

First,

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the senior acquires precious life

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

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which is valuable to be passed down to the next generation. Not only for the knowledge but the history

could

Correct pronoun usage

that could

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be taught by them. They have experienced the

societies

Use synonyms

we don't have the chance to see in

preson

Correct your spelling

person

However

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, we can record them with

the

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apply

show examples

modern technology to memorize the the passed events which

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are

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meaningful to teach

schoolchild

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schoolchildren

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how we as

human

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humans

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get into the world and different cultures in countries around the world and

Correct article usage

the ritual

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ritual

Fix the agreement mistake

rituals

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we have now.

In addition

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, the

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

Use synonyms

serve as

extra

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the extra

an extra

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workforce. Despite the average longer lifespan for

human

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humans

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, the

numbers

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number

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of workers

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

declining. The factors of economic consideration and individualist

concept

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concepts

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becoming the mainstream trend among

societies

Use synonyms

, fewer and fewer newborn babies in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

recent years, leading to the

probelm

Correct your spelling

problem

inadequate

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an inadequate

the inadequate

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number of employees in the workplace.

Therefore

Linking Words

Add an article

the aging

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aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

Use synonyms

could become the source of maintaining the source of the employment market.

For example

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, there are increasing

Fix the agreement mistake

What works well

Task Achievement

You provide a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which reflects critical thinking.

Task Achievement

Your essay covers relevant topics such as the transfer of knowledge from the elderly and their role in the work environment, which are great points of discussion.

Improvement Suggestions

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting points are clearly developed. Some points in this essay could be expanded for clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your viewpoint and the key points you will discuss. The connection between ideas should be more seamless, for example using linking phrases.

Task Achievement

Add more specific examples to support your main points -- this strengthens your arguments and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Task Achievement

Work on grammar and spelling to improve clarity, particularly in areas like 'comparision' (which should be 'comparison') and 'wasn't affordable' (which should be 'isn't sustainable').

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

329 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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What works well

Improvement Suggestions

Fully explain your ideas

The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Do you agree that supermarkets are a threat to small shops and local communities?

In light of the current socio-economic situation of the world, do you think this the right time for wild life preservation? If yes, what are the ways and means you suggestfor this?