IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that schools should focus more on teaching students how to be competitive, while others think that cooperation and teamwork skills are more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are common beliefs
such
Linking Words
 as
while
Linking Words
 teaching pupils teachers should concentrate on making the environment more competitive at
same
Add an article
the same
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 time
others
Use synonyms
 believe that its more important to be social and cooperative. I completely agree with
this
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 statement .
Firstly
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, working in
team
Add an article
a team
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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builds up
nessesery
Correct your spelling
necessary
 social skills that child will need in their life. In every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
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 of their career people must work with
other human being
Change the wording
another human being
other human beings
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having empathy, understanding
others
Use synonyms
,
making
Correct word choice
and making
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 social bonds with
others
Use synonyms
very
Add a missing verb
are very
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 important to be
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
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 individual and that
what
Add a missing verb
is what
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 exactly we
wont
Correct your spelling
want
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 to be our children.
For example
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, many famous entrepreneurs like Andrew Tate gathered huge
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media by using
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 ability to
understangding
Correct your spelling
understand
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 of
others
Use synonyms
 and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
.
Secondly
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,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are social creatures we cannot live on our own. By creating
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 field
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our young generation we can make them arrogant and lonely. Constant concurenting environment gives young individuals a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 pressure in turn it may cause severe psychological disorders and physical problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, permanently being under pressure can cause acute stress syndrome that can lead
serious
Change preposition
to serious
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deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 like shizofriniya. In conclusion, in the process of teaching
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
Add a comma
generation,
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 we must give more attention to building
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
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 and
teamwork type
Add a hyphen
teamwork-type
show examples
 environment.

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language
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Words like 'its' should be 'it's', 'nessesery' should be 'necessary', and 'concurenting' should be 'competing'.
content
Try to provide clearer examples that directly relate to your points. The example of Andrew Tate could be developed further to show how teamwork contributed to his success rather than just his understanding of others.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences develop that idea more fully. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
content
You have effectively presented a clear position on the issue, showing your agreement with the need for cooperative skills in education.
argument
You provided some relevant points about the psychological impact of competition, which adds depth to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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