IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People should be allowed to continue to work as long as the want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.

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Workers should not be forced to retire at a certain age
for example
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 60 or 65 and continue to serve.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement
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due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two reasons:
work
Use synonyms
 makes
people
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 feel alive, and it secures them financially. Working is one of the main things that make you feel alive and valuable, as they say: " once you retire you die", and
that is
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 because our human nature dictates certain actions that make us valuable and feel great about ourselves and a big element of it is working. A 2013 study in London for a group of 1000
people
Use synonyms
 at the age of 70 shows that they all felt dying and non-alive once they got retired and that tells us how important
work
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 is for us, and everybody has the right to
work
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 as long as they are capable.
On the other hand
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, having access to the job market can strongly secure them financially. Normally old
people
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 have less power and motivation to build a new company from the
scratsh
Correct your spelling
scratch
 or to do investments,
therefore
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continue
Wrong verb form
continuing
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 at their job is amazingly
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 for them to be financially
stabled
Correct your spelling
stable
show examples
,
in
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addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 inflation rates
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 getting higher day by day around the world, and it might affect
people
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 who forced to retire. In conclusion,
although
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 it would be super costly for the countries to allow workers to
work
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 as long as they want, I see that it is more helpful for
people
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 and society to not put age limits for the mentioned reasons.

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Task Response
The introduction clearly states your position, but consider rephrasing to improve clarity. For example, use: 'This essay supports the view that workers should not be mandated to retire at a fixed age.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph includes clear topic sentences that outline the main idea. This will improve the logical structure and guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Task Response
Add more detailed examples or explanations to support your points about the financial security of older workers. This can enhance the depth of your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Task Achievement
You have effectively highlighted the importance of work for individual fulfillment and financial stability, which is a compelling argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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