IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children are home schooled. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of home schooling?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several children are studying at home rather than going to school. In my opinion, there are more drawbacks to homeschooling than benefits. My viewpoint is justified in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, children are unfamiliar with socialization. To explain, as they are always at
condo
Add an article
the condo
a condo
show examples
 they do not get the chance to meet people with diverse mindsets, and different cultures.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they lack communication skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per the studies of Regional University in Ireland in 1998, 64 per cent of home students have problems with speaking skills . They tend to speak the local language at home and do not have practice of speaking globally accepted language as a mode of speaking.
Thus
Linking Words
,
as a consequence
Linking Words
, that decreases the chance of getting the Job Opportunities
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 desire in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, children grasping knowledge at their residence tend to feel depressed very often. To elaborate, as they are always surrounded by four walls and their parents, they are not exposed to the outside real world.
Hence
Linking Words
,
as a result
Linking Words
, they are a victim of depression at a very young age. On the flip side, it can be beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
handicapped kids to stay in an abode and learn schooling with their parents because they are well taken care of basic needs and the environment needed to teach them comfortably.
Also
Linking Words
, they do not have to face criticism from other students in the school.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are more cons than pros of studying at a domicile rather than at an educational centre.
Lastly
Linking Words
, it totally depends on an individual's point of perception and situation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help readers understand your stance more quickly.
Task Achievement
Expand on the ideas you present. For instance, you could offer more specifics about the types of skills that are lacking due to home schooling and suggest potential solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay. For example, phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast' can help guide the reader through different points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be careful with language accuracy. Phrases like 'from speaking globally accepted language' can be rephrased for clarity.
Content
The discussion of the emotional impacts of home schooling was insightful and added depth to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally logical, which provides a good framework for your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: