IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Overpopulation in many urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this and how can this problem be solved?

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Overpopulation in many cities around the world is a primary problem.
People
Use synonyms
 looking for more job opportunities and better life quality, and these can be solved by improving schools. The main reason why many
people
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 move to the
city
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 is because there are more job opportunities than living in the countryside and their living conditions can be improved. In the
city
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, companies provide a variety of jobs to employees, individuals have a chance to choose their interested job.
Additionally
Linking Words
, living in the
city
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 has serval benefits to
people
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 who move from the rural.
Such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 hospitals operate
in
Change preposition
apply
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24 hours, if
people
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 are needed, they can go there, and their
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 can be solved immediately.
However
Linking Words
, rural areas contain less well-developed hospitals so if they go to the hospital which may take time up to 2 hours to travel from home to the hospital, a long travelling time will increase the impact on their health. To solve the increasing number of
people
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 who live in the
city
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, the need for school is significantly increased.
Due to
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 more
people
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 moving to the
city
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, the education institutions must recruit more teachers to teach students.
Additionally
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, schools need to reorganise their room and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 facilities distribution
,
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apply
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 and add tables and chairs for new students. In conclusion, all nations face the problem of an increasing number of
people
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 in cities.
This
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 is because, by moving to cities they can have a high wage and improve the quality of their life, and
this
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 can be solved by increasing school to allow more newcomers’ children to study at school.

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structure
The introduction could be expanded to give a clearer overview of the topics you will discuss in your essay. You could include both causes and solutions more explicitly in the introduction.
structure
Try to enhance your conclusion by summarizing the main points made in the body of the essay more clearly, rather than just restating the introduction.
language
Some sentences could be made clearer and more concise. For example, consider simplifying the phrase 'the need for school is significantly increased' to 'the demand for schools is increasing.'
content
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, such as particular job sectors in urban areas or stats on the impact of crowding in schools.
content
You effectively identified key reasons why people move to cities, showcasing some understanding of the complexities of urban migration.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban centres
  • overpopulation
  • influx
  • economic opportunities
  • rural regions
  • quality of life
  • family planning
  • political instability
  • conflict
  • exacerbate
What to do next:
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