IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where
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The given line graph illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people engaged in five different recreational activities over a time period of 20
years
Use synonyms
 starting from 2000. It is very clear from the graph that, the majority of citizens participated in the film club in all the
years
Use synonyms
. More than 60 people
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 their time with the film club
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000
as well as
Linking Words
 in 2020. The second most popular item in the year 2000 was the martial arts.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 activity has failed to attract more
participants
Use synonyms
 throughout the
years
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
table tennis has
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 gained a lot of
participants
Use synonyms
 during the given
years
Use synonyms
 with a steep increase recorded in 2010 and 2015.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amateur dramatics faced a significant loss of members since 2005, making it
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the least
appealed
Change the form of the verb
appealing
show examples
 activity in 2020. There were no
participants
Use synonyms
 for the musical performance up until 2005,
however
Linking Words
, the item managed to obtain more than 10
participants
Use synonyms
 in the year 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, participants with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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