IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the increasing number of cars is the biggest problem facing cities. Other people believe that there are even more bigger problems Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Most
people
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 believe that increasing the
number
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 of cars creates issues in cities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some citizens think it is just a cup of coffee. In my opinion, the rising
number
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 of four-wheelers can cause
traffic
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 in cities, which consumes the public
time
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.
Firstly
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, we all know the value of
time
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 and how the
traffic
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 will
takeout
Correct your spelling
take
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 that valuable
time
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 from us. To illustrate
this
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, say, Bangalore is well known as a technical city, but when
people
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 are stuck in
traffic
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, it takes them two hours to release.
For example
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, the
number
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 of cars roaming on
road
Correct article usage
the road
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 creates more
traffic
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 than usual.
This
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 results in
people
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 losing their lives sometimes. What if a pregnant lady was in the car with labour pains and stuck in
traffic
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?.
Change the punctuation
?
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This
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 makes the situation so difficult.
However
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, using public transport is the best solution to reduce problems.
Secondly
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, some citizens say that it is just a small thing, but Today, small things create more dangerous consequences in the future.
May be
Correct your spelling
Maybe
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 there are some major problems than
this
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 but despite all of
this
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 is the basic thing that we face
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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while
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 travelling. As far as I am concerned, when we travel freely without any delay and on
time
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 we can solve the maximum
number
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 of problems.
To sum up
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this
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, I want
to conclude
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 that increasing the
number
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 of cars is a major problem in present days because it leads to
people
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 losing their jobs sometimes
due to
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traffic
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 helps to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public transportation
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to thinking and wasting
time
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 on some useless things.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction to clearly define the two perspectives on the issue, and provide a smoother transition to your opinion.
task achievement
Expand on the main points with additional supporting ideas or examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more linking phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to discuss both views, which is essential for the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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