IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Men and women are different in terms of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. Do you agree or disagree?

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As proven by experience, the skills and features of
women
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 and
men
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 are varied.
This
Linking Words
 issue is shown more so in jobs. I know it is vital in many areas like occupation. I believe because of these fundamental differences,
men
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 are better suited for some jobs and the opposite is
also
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 true. If the job is particularly physically demanding,
men
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 have a biological advantage. In the mining
industry
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industry,
show examples
men
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 have been working.
Additionally
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, since working in mines is more time-consuming, it needs a high level of freedom
that is
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 mostly possessed by
men
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. I distinctly recall my dad working as an engineer in a coal mine,
Although
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, he worked hard,
however
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, his long working hours did not affect him as much as it would have if he was a
woman
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. Even still in some jobs,
women
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 are more able to perform.
Women
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 have more impact on teamwork and
basis
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basic
show examples
 roles in public relationships. In many companies and offices
women
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 are head of
P.R
Correct your spelling
P.R.
 and if they accept the obligation, they do that excellent and
men
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 cannot do
as well as
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women
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. The
woman
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 has
emotional
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an emotional
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 intelligence that causes boosting
relation
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relations
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 between her and others.
This
Linking Words
 character makes a deal with team members. I saw in many companies and organizations that
Correct article usage
the P.R
show examples
P.R
Correct your spelling
P.R.
 manager was a
woman
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 and
this
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 is obvious coordinator in a group is a
woman
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 but
men
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 are rigid. In conclusion,
men
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 and
women
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 are different in
characters
Fix the agreement mistake
character
show examples
 and abilities. Some qualifications like
P.R
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P.R.
 and teamwork females are better and some other qualifications like physically demanding and that skills need a high level of freedom males are better.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples and explanations for your points. Some ideas could be developed further to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly, using transition phrases. For instance, instead of 'Additionally,' you could say 'Furthermore,' to enhance flow.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction provides a strong thesis statement that outlines your main argument more clearly.
task achievement
You showed a genuine attempt to compare the characteristics of men and women in the context of job performance, which is a relevant approach to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points, reinforcing your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innate
  • biological differences
  • characteristics
  • gender roles
  • stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • gender biases
  • fair representation
  • skills
  • qualifications
What to do next:
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