IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The success of a business or sports team depends more on the leader of that team than on the individual team members. This is because it is the leader who makes sure everyone works together to achieve the team's goals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In recent years, it is considered that
a
Correct article usage
the
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success
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 of an
organization
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 depends entirely on the
leardership
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leadership
on
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of
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 the supervisor rather than the members of that
group
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.
Although
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team
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 leaders have the ability to motivate and encourage everyone in the
group
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, I completely disagree
that
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apply
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with
this
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 statement, because, the
success
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 of an
organization
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 depends on many factors
such
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 as self-motivation
instead
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 of just
the
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apply
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group
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 cooperation.
This
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 essay will explore these perspectives. On the one hand, one cannot dispute the fact that
team
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leader
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leaders
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 contribute to a successful outcome of a
group
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 or
organization
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, through motivation and word-of-encouragement given to the workers.
This
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 usually
foster
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fosters
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 cooperation and teamwork, which is essential for victory.
For example
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, imagine there is a misunderstanding between workers,
this
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 can cause malice and seize of communication among the
group
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, which might bring
gap
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a gap
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 in sharing important details about the
success
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 of the company with one another and
consequently
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 lead to diversity at
workplace
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the workplace
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.
Therefore
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, the
organization
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 leader
play
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plays
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 a role in making sure goals are achieved
,
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apply
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while
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maining
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maintaining
 cooperation in the working environment.
On the other hand
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, in order for a
bussiness
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business
 or
group
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 to succeed, other factors are required rather than teamwork alone. Among others, self-motivation plays a vital role,
due to
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 promotion in personal performance. If an individual is keen towards
growth
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the growth
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 of an
organization
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, they focus on both
social
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the social
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 and intellectual growth of the
team
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.
For example
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, a football
team
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 might have
thesame
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the same
 coach which
encourage
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encourages
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 teamwork and motivation among the
team
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, but
this
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 does not provide equal achievements in the
group
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, because
major
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the major
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 chance of winning
depend
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depends
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 on the personal interest of the
group
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.
As a result
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, personal interest
is require
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is required
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 for an
organization
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 to
triump
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triumph
. In conclusion,
while
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 leaders play a role in ensuring togetherness in an
organization
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, I firmly disagree that
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success
Correct article usage
the success
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 of the
team
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depend
Change the verb form
depends
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 on leadership. Rather,
this
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 depends on self-motivation.
Nevertheless
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, a balance between both leadership and
members
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members'
member's
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 motivation will provide a well-rounded environment for
successful
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a successful
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organization
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revising the introduction to clearly outline your position on the topic and summarize the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help set the stage for your argument more effectively.
Task Achievement
Ensure you support each main point with specific examples to make your argument more convincing. For instance, the examples used could be more elaborate at times.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling, such as 'leardership' instead of 'leadership' and 'bussiness' instead of 'business.' Such errors can distract from the clarity of your ideas.
Task Achievement
You have presented strong arguments that recognize the importance of both leadership and individual contribution to an organization's success, providing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure is clear with distinct paragraphs for different ideas, which helps in guiding the reader through your argument.
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