IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people are relying on their private cars as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over reliance on cars can cause and suggest at least one solution. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch, it has become increasingly common among people to rely on personal
vehicles
Use synonyms
 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis.
However
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, the proliferation of using own
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is not only creating problems for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 but
also
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 contributing into leading worse traffic conditions. To commence with, there are a number of complications which are impacting society
while
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 using own means of
tranportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
.
Firstly
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, more private
vehicles
Use synonyms
such
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 as cars, trucks,
bikes
Correct word choice
and bikes
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 can often give rise
traffic
Fix the infinitive
to traffic
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 jams.
Hence
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,
such
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 traffic conditions on roads and highways
immensly
Correct your spelling
immensely
 affect
economic
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the economic
show examples
 structure.
Secondly
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, it will pollute
Correct article usage
the enviroment
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enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 through harmful gases from automobiles which eventually have detrimental impacts on air quality and
lastly
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, the ratio of fossil
fules
Correct your spelling
fuels
such
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 as petrol,
diesel
Correct word choice
and diesel
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 will decline in future which have a significant role in running
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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.
However
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, there are certain steps which can be implemented
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society to avoid
further
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 troubles.
Imformed
Correct your spelling
Informed
 decisions from
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should be regulated
such
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 as only commuting on private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 if there are more people travelling.
Moreover
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, green
vehicles
Use synonyms
such
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 as
tesla
Capitalize word
Tesla
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 should be available to people at low cost so that they can easily afford them. Meanwhile, more building of green
vehicles
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 should be encouraged which will ultimately benefit the environment.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is remarkably a challenging task to conquer
this
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 problem and implement possible solutions, efforts from both government and individuals
is
Change the verb form
are
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 required so that they can together reduce the complications it is creating for
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearer and more comprehensive by expanding on examples and reasoning. For instance, when discussing economic impacts or environmental pollution, more specific examples or statistics can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph clearly connects to the central theme. Use transition words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
Language
Check for grammatical accuracy and spelling errors to enhance the overall readability of your essay. For example, 'tranportation' should be 'transportation', and 'Imformed' should be 'Informed'.
Task Achievement
You've effectively identified key issues arising from over-reliance on cars, such as traffic jams and pollution, which shows a good understanding of the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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