IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge proportion of some nations
consist
Change the verb form
consists
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 of
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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while
Linking Words
 the
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
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 are less
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population. Healthcare and pension are reasons that I believe the positive side
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
 the negative side. In the forthcoming
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 statement shall be discussed. I for one believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 much more money
shall
Verb problem
should
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 be wasted in societies which have more older people because of health care as the
elderlies
Replace the word
elderly
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 are more likely to get sick.
Moreover
Linking Words
, older
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 are retired and
stateman
Correct your spelling
statemen
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 have to pay
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
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 to them and
this
Linking Words
 issue has financial disadvantages for
public
Add an article
the public
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.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
This
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this
Linking Words
 budget can be used for
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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 system or improving the cities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, elderlies are a kind of spiritual wealth of
a nations
Correct the article-noun agreement
nations
a nation
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 because
adault
Correct your spelling
adult
 people can learn a lot from their experiences in life or job.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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 are less responsible than
the the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
persons
Replace the word
people
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. So, they can be more useful in
workpkace
Correct your spelling
workplace
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the presence of older
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 are very
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for countries, I believe that the advantages of youngers
outwight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outwit
 the disadvantage.

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introduction
Try to clarify your thesis statement in the introduction. Make it clear why you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and provide a brief outline of your essay's structure.
coherence
Ensure that your paragraphs clearly separate different ideas. It might help to dedicate one paragraph to the advantages and one to the disadvantages, which would create a clearer structure.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, when discussing healthcare costs, you could provide statistics or further explanation.
task achievement
You present a clear stance on the issue, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your argument nicely, reinforcing your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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