IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The debate over who should be in charge of the
health
Use synonyms
 of human beings often frames governments and individuals as competing interests.
However
Linking Words
, the
coporation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
 of both sides can lead to a
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. It is the
governments'
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 duty to control the price of green food
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a reasonable level that the majority can afford. For those who have difficulty
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
acquiring food, the government can provide coupons or other fair
fares
Fix the agreement mistake
fare
show examples
 measures to ensure that they can buy. What is more, some people
compalin
Correct your spelling
complain
 that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no free public sports
outdoor
Correct word choice
and outdoor
show examples
 places in their
nighbourhood
Correct your spelling
neighbourhood
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sports facilities, parks,
trails
Correct word choice
and trails
show examples
 can be designed to develop a community-friendly neighbourhood.
Besides
Linking Words
,the governments can work
together with
Linking Words
 think tanks to provide free but scientific
health
Use synonyms
consultation
Fix the agreement mistake
consultations
show examples
 on how to develop healthy living habits. These suggestions are practical,
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 and
preofessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 compared to the promotions online which aim at making profits or selling
prodcuts
Correct your spelling
products
.
For example
Linking Words
, countries like China stated that 2025 is the year of 'managing your weight', which
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 people to avoid obesity or
Add a missing verb
being under-weight
show examples
under-weight
Correct your spelling
underweight
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 healthy BMI will definitely help avoid diseases
such
Linking Words
 as cardiovascular in the long run.
However
Linking Words
, it is only when the individuals themselves are willing to engage in living a healthy life that the vicious outcomes of unhealthy
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
 can be eliminated. For those 'sofa
potatos
Correct your spelling
potatoes
potato
' who would rather sit still and browse
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
websites for a whole day than hang out, by listening to the broadcast
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
promoting
health
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
videos of how to cook dietary food, they are still struggling with obesity.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the government and the individuals should work together to promote a
sustaniable
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 goal towards the
health
Use synonyms
 of all human beings.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to organize ideas in a clearer manner, perhaps with distinct paragraphs for each argument.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and language accuracy, as this improves clarity.
task achievement
Try to provide more in-depth examples to support your points, especially in the individual responsibility section.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument effectively, demonstrating a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: